After Dusk

Chapter Twenty

Something scratches on my door, loud and persistent. I try to ignore it, hugging my knees closer to my chest. Muffled sobs escape my lips as I think of what I've done for the billionth time. The scratching doesn't stop, refusing to be ignored. I wipe away my tears angrily and stomp over to the door.

Why can't they just leave me the hell alone?

I yank open the door, mouth open to tell the person there to go the hell away but I come face to face with nothing. I blink, looking around. What the-?  A duet of whimpers causes me to look down.

Crescendo and Cupid sit on their haunches, both looking up at me with sad eyes. I close my eyes and thump the back of my head against the doorway, reminded once again of what an awful person I am. I left Crescendo alone again. I wouldn't be surprised if she hated me. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve Theo either. 

I shut the door with a soft 'click' and shuffle miserably back to bed to resume drowning in my sorrows. I curl up and bury my face in my pillow, crying softly. Crescendo and Cupid climb onto the bed with me and rest their large heads on my side, whimpering. Even now that I'm complete scum, they're still trying to cheer me up. I'm not in the mood to be cheered up, though. I just lay here, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole. 

The sound of the door opening breaks me from my guilt-induced stupor. I don't get up. Hell, I don't move at all. I just lay there and continue to pray that the bed would just swallow me up. I hear footsteps approaching the bed and press my face farther into the pillow.

"Laila?" Amora asks quietly, "are you okay?"

I sniffle, biting back another round of tears. Drawing in a ragged breath, I choke out a pitiful, "no."

The bed dips beside me. Amora brushes back my ratted hair to look at my face. My tear stained face stares up at her, ashamed.

"What happened?" she probes encouragingly as she stares unblinkingly into my eyes. Soft concern warms her gentle face.

I sit up slowly, noting that Crescendo and Cupid have moved to the floor. I brush my rat's nest of hair off of my face, stalling. I dry my tears with my sweat shirt sleeve. Then I turn back to Amora, who waits patiently for me to tell her what's wrong with me.

I eye her warily. What if she is disgusted by what I did? What if she thinks I'm a slut? I couldn't stand it if my best friend hated me. I wouldn't know what to do. I need to tell somebody about this, though. I'll explode if I have to keep all of this to myself any longer. So, I take in deep breath and begin.

I tell her everything, starting at the day I'd arrived at the Academy up to what I'd done with Declan last night. The entire time that I speak, her face is neutral. She nods occasionally, not giving away what's going on in that mind of hers. When I finish, I bite my lip, hoping that I didn't just lose my best friend.

Amora stays silent for a long time. She looks as though she's thinking really hard about something. Uncomfortable, I fiddle with my fingers awkwardly. Then, finally, she speaks.

"Who do you love more, Laila?" she asks slowly, not necessarily sounding angry, just quizzical.

I open my mouth and then shut it. Who do I love more? If she'd asked me that question a couple weeks ago, I'd have said Theo without a second thought. But now? 

"I don't know," I whisper regretfully. I shake my head at myself in disgust.

I'd never had this problem before I came here. I'd always been a good, faithful girlfriend when I was one. Not once had I ever been unfaithful, until now. What happened?

"Do you want to break up with Theo?" Amora asks patiently.

My eyes widen. "No! Of course not!" I tell her truthfully. Theo is one of the best boyfriends I've ever had. Maybe even the best.

"Then maybe you should try to stay away from Declan. Permanently," Amora suggests, pursing her lips.

I frown. That had worked during the week before the ball. I'd been completely faithful to Theo and we'd gotten so close during that time. I'd fallen even deeper in love with him.

"You're right. I need to cut Declan out of my life permanently," I murmur quietly.

A part of my heart shatters as I say this. Something inside of me, a part of me that I've only ever seen under the influence of the moon's light, screams for me to go to him now, to take him in my arms and never let him go. But I know I can't do that.

"Well," Amora gets up, patting my leg. "you better put on a happy face because you have to meet your boyfriend at the parking lot."

My head snaps up sharply.

"He's suppose to get back late this afternoon!" I protest.

Amora gives me an odd look.

"Laila, it's five o'clock in the afternoon."

I gape at her in shock. I'd been moping in my room the whole day? Oh, gods. I have to see Theo now? My heart pounds in my chest. What if he figures it out? What if he finds out what I did? I can't lose him!

I look down at myself and groan. Not only is my hair a mess, but my clothes are a mess, too. In my guilty state, I'd thrown on a pair of comfortable sweats and a sweatshirt.

Mumbling to myself, I shuffle into the bathroom. I strip off my comfortable clothes and replace them with a pair of jeans and a dark blue sweater. I tug a brush through my jungle of hair, wincing at the pain it brings me. Giving up, I put my hair into a french braid and call it good.

I slip on a pair of flats and hurry out the door before I have a chance to chicken out. I scurry out of the building, forcing myself not to think about last night- or Declan- ever again. Once in the woods, I increase my pace, thinking about the man with the full white mask that I'd seen at the ball last night. Shuddering, I send  a wary glance around.

I spot a break in the trees and run to it, creeped the hell out. I burst out of the treeline just as a familiar car pulls into the parking lot. I squeal in elation, forgetting everything but the fact that my boyfriend is back.

With a huge grin on my face, I sprint towards the car. I leap over the curb, my feet pounding on the asphalt. My boyfriend steps out of the car and faces me with open arms. I leap into his arms and he catches me easily, chuckling. Wrapping my legs and arms around him, I bury my face in the crook of his neck. He kisses the top of my head gently, returning my embrace.

"I missed you so much," Theo breathes into my ear, hugging me tighter. My heart squelches in my chest, needing to hear that, needing to be loved by him.

"I missed you, too," I whisper, feeling guilty, feeling like scum.

I stare up at the sunny sky above, hiding the tears that leak silently from my eyes.