𝘿𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 | 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙗𝙮 𝘽𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙠

ten

My first ever song comes out tonight at 12 am. I announced it last week and I got so much good feedback about it. I'm so happy that so many people are excited and want to listen to it. I'm so proud of this song and I can't wait for everyone to hear it.

Colby tweeted something the other day that made me think it was about me. It probably wasn't and i'm being dumb. He tweeted "No one will ever me like you had me." Maybe it was about me, maybe it wasn't. I can't help myself from thinking about him. Even when I don't want him to be he's always in my thoughts. He clouds my thoughts every second of the day. I wish it didn't end like it did but I guess everything happens for a reason.

I haven't posted on youtube for a week, my excuse was that I was with my family for my song release. Even though it wasn't true. I've been in my apartment for what seems like years. Only leaving to get my mail and even then i'm still in my apartment complex. I don't even leave to go to the grocery store, I just Postmate all my food. I've been living off of Taco Bell and Starbucks for a month and a half. Maybe it's time to leave, i'm so sick of this tiny apartment. It feels like a prison cell more than a home.

I changed out of my sweatpants and put a pair of black ripped jeans on and an old hoodie that still smelled like Colby. His scent still roamed in my apartment. I didn't hate it, it made me feel like I was still with him. I walked into my kitchen and grabbed my keys and wallet that were on the counter and opened the door. I stopped as a nervous feeling filled my stomach like I was going to throw up. "You're fine stop being a little bitch" I thought to myself. I began to walk again shutting then locking my door behind me. I walked down the hall to my elevator. I started to get nervous, i'll be okay. i'll be okay. I stepped in the elevator and pressed the floor button. Then I walked out of the elevator, and walked towards the door that would open to the world of LA that i've been avoiding for a month and a half. I pushed the door open and walked out. The fresh air of LA hit me like a ray of sunshine. The sun beating on me. I began to walk down the street on the sidewalk. I started walking to Civil Coffee. My favorite coffee shop. Today's going to be a good day.