This Time I'll Hang, Close the Door (Kellin Quinn) {Book 1}

Chapter 27. How Many Times Did You...?

How Many Times Did You…?

Song: I Feel Like Dancin' by All Time Low

~Summer~

*January 3, 2013*

I was finally back in Cali for a few days. In only four days, on January 7th, my band and I would be in New York though, at the AP Awards. This gave us time to practice. We get to perform three songs. We are also nominated for a few things. Best music video and best scene core band or something. And then I'm nominated for best female vocalist, although so is my friend from another band, Hailee Dallas. 

Right now I was driving home in my car, ready to unpack. I pulled into my driveway and stopped the car. I got out and grabbed my suitcases. Dragging them behind me, I walked into my small house here in LA. I through my bags and cases in my bedroom and ran to the bathroom, shredding my clothes off and taking a shower. I needed to be under hot water badly! It's cold. 

I smiled to myself. Everything was perfect. I had a great boyfriend, my band was doing great and only becoming more and more successful, and KC stopped calling. I haven't heard from Carolyn since we talked on the phone almost a month ago. But that's only because she is in rehab for self harm, says Zack.

I am honestly relieved that she stopped. I just didn't get it. Yes, I've cut before. Only a couple times in my whole life though! I know that there is no excuse for self harm but after all the bullshit I've had to go through it is a little understandable that I could have had one or two moments of weakness. And I have stopped! If I want to make myself better, I know easier ways to do that than cut myself. 

But with Carolyn, it didn't make any sense. She has Zack looking after her like a hawk, she has my band and I as best friends, and she has an amazing job. I just don't see why she would want to end all of that. I would kill to have a perfect life like hers. Yes, like I said everything was great right now, but until now I seriously thought I would have killed myself by now. My life was a living hell for the first 26 years. Now, I'm almost 27 and ready to start a new. 

I sighed, turned off the warm water, and stepped out of the shower into and Arctic Tundra. Or at least that's what my bathroom felt like. My phone rang on the granite counter in my bathroom.

I smiled, seeing it was Blu calling. I answered. "Hey babe! You've got great timing; I just got out of the shower like five seconds ago!" I laughed into the phone. 

"SJ! I'm so glad your back in LA! Let's go shopping for dresses for the awards now! I want to hear all about your month with Kellin!" Blu basically screamed into the phone. 

I chuckled at her. "Okay, okay. Pick me up in a half an hour." I told her. 

"Okay." she said before hanging up. 

I smiled and shook my head at her weirdness. I dried off and grabbed an Anthem Made sweatshirt Kellin gave me and pulled it on over my black bra. I pulled on matching black underwear and slid on some black leather skinny jeans. I grabbed my new sparkly black TOMS I got from Kellin's family for Christmas. Truthfully, they are the coolest TOMS, let alone shoes, that anyone could ever have or want. 

I did my makeup and pulled my hair into a fishtail braid. I slid on a silver ring that had music notes on it onto my thumb. I got the ring from my dad years ago and I took it with me everywhere. It was only two weeks ago when I found out that it could actually fit my thumb now. I also wore my silver heart necklace I got from Kellin. I haven't taken it off since I got it. 

Once I was satisfied with my outfit I walked downstairs and looked at my kitchen. I haven't eaten since yesterday and it's noon right now, I reminded myself. No, you are too fat as it is now; you can skip a meal or two. 

I heard the doorbell ring and instantly got happy. I ran to the door and opened it, jumping into Blu's arms. "Blu! I've missed you, my bestie!" I shouted. 

"Same here, SJ! Long time, no see." Blu chuckled as we pulled away. 

I smiled at her. "Come on Honey Muffin," I joked with her. "Let's get going. It's already noon so there will be lunch hour rush."

She nodded. "Okay, Sweet Cakes." she joked back. 

We got into her car and started off for some clothes stores. We jammed out to Green Day the whole way there. And once we were at the clothing store we had listened to half of an album. 

We walked inside and headed to the back of the place in the blink of an eye. This clothes store, which specialized in dresses, was very weird, but we loved it. As soon as you walked in there were all the bright colors. White, yellow, tan, cream, and others. Then it went to neon colored dresses. Hot pink, electric blue, bright green, orange, and red. Then it got a bit darker the farther you walked into the place. Finally in the back you had all of your black dresses. And this place only had one of each dress. If the dress you liked didn't fit then you'd have to find another one to choose. The place reminds me of a thrift clothes store I went to with my sister, Bre, and Carolyn. 

I smiled as I looked through all the short, strapless dresses. I know that it's winter, but the long ones were too formal and not rock enough. I felt Blu's eyes on me and turned to her. "What are you lookin' at, Chica?" I asked her loudly in a Spanish accent.  

She laughed and shook her head. "Not much, apparently," she teased. I laughed now. "I was just wondering what it was like spending a month with Kellin...?" Blu asked. 

I through my head back and groaned. "I knew you were gonna ask me that!" I chuckled as I looked at her again. 

She shrugged. "I want to know details girly!" 

I giggled as I blushed. "Well, okay. It was great. I got to hang out with the guys a lot. I also met his family and Bethany. His family is wonderful and we hung out a lot. As for Beth… I met her and we barley talked. Kellin has so far just told me to forget about her and stay away from her. It's kind of hard not to think about it though when I know she still has feelings for Kellin when she cheated on him and she has a boyfriend!" I said. 

"Whoa, she has a boyfriend and she's still gaga over Kellin? What a slut!" Blu added. 

"I know! I also got a wrist piercing," I said, showing her. She smiled, thinking it was wicked. "But, not much else happened besides that we hung out, got closer, and just made up lost time together. Except for the night I got there. That was the best night out of all of them." I smiled, remembering all the things that went down. 

"Oh! Tell me, tell me!" Blu begged as she looked over a cute dress. 

"Well, when he picked me up from the airport he gave me a necklace with a cute key on it and said it was the key to his heart. It was cheesy, but I loved it! And after that we had dinner that he even made. I ate like a pig, it was so good!" I confessed. I hate the way I ate so much that night. "Anyways, after that we walked Twilight, which he hated. And then I got all dressed up in that lacy underwear getup that we got back in the UK and we…" I trailed off. 

"Oh my fucking God! You guys fucked! Awesome!" Blu congratulated me as we walked back to the dressing rooms, us each holding a dress to try on. We walked into rooms that were right next to each other and continued to talk while trying on dresses. 

"It was really nice. I had never felt that way before whenever I slept with someone." I giggled. 

"Well," Blu said from her room. "I don't think sleeping together is what it really was. It wasn't fucking either. It was… making love." she teased. 

"Blu! Shut it!" I giggled. 

"So, how many times did you… ya know?" 

What the legitimate fuck? Was she really asking me how many times he made me…? "Uhh… if you’re asking how many times I hit the point of no return, if you will, I'm not answering that question, you sick person." I answered back. 

I heard her shriek. "Summer, no! I wasn't asking that. I was wondering how many times during that little vacation of yours you happened to… cut…" she said quietly. 

I exhaled and replied. "Twice. It was the first time in my whole life that I ever tried cutting and I just… I made a promise that I wouldn't do it ever again."

"A promise to Kellin?" 

"Yeah," I answered. I looked at myself in the mirror. The dress fit! I quickly took it off put my clothes back on. I walked out of the room the same time Blu came out of hers. 

She gave me a sad smile as we began our way to the front of the store to buy our dresses. "Well, I'm glad you won't do that anymore. You know I used to burn myself back in high school, so I know what it's like. I know it's not good for you. So I'm proud of you, Shorty." 

I laughed. "Thanks Blu." I told her. I stopped in the small, hot pink dress section. 

"Why are you stopping? You already found your dress for the awards." 

I nodded. "I know. I'm just picking out a dress for Steve's wedding." I said as I grabbed a cute, short, strapless pink dress that was just my size. Perfect. 

Steve had been engaged to his girlfriend, Hanna, for about six months. On February 14th, aka Valentines Day, Steve is getting married to her. Trent, Ian, River, and Zack are his best men. Hanna is having her college friends be her bridesmaids and her sister is her main of honor. Kellin and the rest of Sleeping With Sirens were actually invited. Even Justin Van Hook, their guitar tech.

"Oh yeah! I forgot that it coming up soon." Blu said as we began to pay for our things. 

We paid and got back to her car. On the ride home I decided to break the silence we had going on and tell her the news. "Oh yeah! I forget to tell you that Justin has a new girlfriend." I said bluntly. 

She shrugged. "You know what's weird? I had such a huge crush on him throughout Warped Tour and our headliner in the states. But ever since I met CC my feelings for him are going away. I really like CC. I think I've found someone different this time. Someone who can change me…" she answered with a smirk. 

I smirked too. "Good." I simply said. She usually dated boys for a short period of time. She has about a billion ex boyfriends. And only two she has said "I love you," to. And when she said to one of the boys she didn't mean it. It's only because from when she was thirteen to twenty she was dating a boy who got addicted to bad stuff. Bad drugs. Ever since they broke up she hasn't been able to find love, let alone a steady boyfriend.  

I smiled at her words. "I think I've found someone different this time. Someone who can change me…" I was happy for her. Happy that my best friend was now happy with her new boyfriend. And she would be happy for sure at the AP Awards, since Black Veil Brides are one of the twenty bands that get to go. I myself can't wait for the AP awards. 

Bring it on. 

A/N: Hey guys! Comment and tell me if you liked the chapter and don't forget to vote, favorite this book, and fan me. :) 

So, anyways I started a new book called "One Shots". I bet none of you can guess what it's about. Anyways, it would mean the world to me if you guys check it out! Also, I'm helping a friend write a Kellin Quinn story. It's going to be called "I Don't Think That They'd Understand". Keep your eyes open for that book because it is going to be amazing, I promise.