Singles Club

the one where they get coffee

I'm sitting in a coffee shop about a block away from the school. In front of me is Sunny, and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this is the same Sunny I fell in love with all those years ago. He has a tight fit suit on and while he has aged, it's been graceful. Grey speckles his beard and hair, but we're still young.

"My god, Jaan. You look amazing" he compliments.

I blush and smile. "Thanks. You also- you look good." It's hard for me to make eye contact. I'm still embarrassed by the text I sent ten years ago.

"So how you've been?" he asks, and I launch into the tale of my nonprofit work and working for a preschool. I talk about why I decided not to go to medical school, and as his eyes maintain contact, I suddenly feel like I'm sixteen again.

"And you?" I finish.

Sunny tells me about how he decided to work for a pharmaceutical company to combine his interests in biology and business. He mentions getting married, having Arav, and getting divorced shortly after Arav's birth. I glance over to Arav coloring in the kids' corner and smile at the concentration on his face. 

"And you?" he repeats, "Any husband or boyfriend I need to interrogate?"

I laugh and shake my head. "I have a male roommate, but no. No boyfriend right now."

We look at each other and smile before I look away. I look back to see him still staring at me.

"Why'd you disappear, Jaan?" he asks- all signs of joking disappear from his face. "One minute, you're here, but the next you stop answering all my texts and I never hear from you again? How do you just drop someone- drop me- like that?"

Guilt envelopes me. Seventeen year old me was selfish. I had done what was best for me without even considering how Sunny must have felt.

"I'm so sorry, Sunny. I'd just admitted to liking you and I was embarrassed. I still am- that was so bad."

"You didn't even hear my answer."

"Did I need to?"

Silence clouds over us again. I grab the mug in front of me to take another sip.

"You know I fell in love with you" he states. I cough on my tea, unable to believe what I just heard. I quickly put the mug down and look back at him with disbelief.

"Yeah, I didn't realize it until it was too late. You avoided me at graduation, and then I tried to go to your house over the summer, but you went to Brown for a summer program. I ended up giving up after I dialed your phone for the millionth time-" his tone isn't accusatory but rather sad and disappointed.

I can't help but think of what could have been if I had just owned up to what I did.

"I'm so sorry, Sunny," I feel like I can't apologize enough.

He smiles at me sadly before turning to Arav, "It's aight. Everything seems to work out." 

I wonder if he's imagining the could have been family scenario I am. 

"Anyways, I'm really glad you're back in my life, Jaanu."

I smile and agree, "Me too, friends? Or better yet, singles club?" I put out my hand to shake his.

"For now," he winks before calling Arav over to finish the lemonade he had asked for.