Stop and Stare [MxM]

Chapter 01

A/N: Before you get too far into this, let me tell you that this book has two prequels! It is the third book for Sweet Surrender and Saving Me, and without reading at least one of those, though it is highly recommended that you read both, you're not really going to know what's going on.

...I mean you can guess pretty accurately, but...previous reading is recommended.

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“What do you want to do, baby? What things with your life?”

Evan was sick again. It wasn't too much of a shock, Justin knew the treatment would only last so long. So, they were laying in Evan's bed, Justin taking a second to mull the question over in his head.

“I don't know,” he answered quietly, noticing how Evan trembled from his fever as he looked him over. “Probably go back to school, at some point. Be able to get a better job. Find something to do with myself, I guess.”

“What kind of school do you want to go to?”

“Haven't really decided. I was thinking of something to do with more hands-on stuff.” Justin shrugged slightly.

“Oh yeah? How soon do you wanna start?”

Justin narrowed his eyes a little in thought. “Hm. Probably within the next year,” he answered. Honestly he hadn't really thought about it too much. He knew he wanted to do something besides work for Millie for the rest of his life—not that she wasn't a good employer—but he was tired of just doing the same thing constantly.

Evan smiled though. “I think that's a wonderful idea. Staying local, or branching out?”

Justin hesitated at that. A while back, he would've gladly left Mandan. But now he wasn't so sure. “Local, probably.”

“Now honey, if you want to go somewhere else, anywhere else, I'll make sure you get there. Mandan doesn't have to be where you're stuck.”

Justin inhaled deeply. “I know. I just...I can look into some other places, I guess. Wouldn't hurt.”

Evan turned to look at him then, the violent shivers continuing. “I want you to go wherever it is you want to go. Do anything you want to do.”

Justin couldn't do much more than nod a little to that. “Okay,” he replied quietly.

They were quiet for a while after that, until Evan spoke. “I'm tired.”

“Do you want to go to sleep?”

Evan smiled again, shaking his head a little. “No, darling. Not sleep tired.”

Justin frowned slightly in confusion. It wasn't unusual for Evan to be sleep tired, but Justin wasn't sure what other type of tired he could be.

“It's been long enough. I can't do it anymore, I'm tired of fighting.”

Justin's confused look melted into a carefully neutral expression after a second, when he realized what Evan was talking about. “Oh,” he mumbled.

That kind of tired.

“I know.” Evan said quietly. “We've got a little bit yet, but I'm so tired, baby. Treatments are wearing off so fast, I just...I just want it to stop.”

Justin opened his mouth to say something, suggest something about trying a new treatment, or to get Nathan to look into it again, but...that wouldn't do anything. Nathan did what he could, and asking both of them to try and come up with something new wouldn't be fair. So he closed his mouth back, sighing quietly instead.