Apricity - [Bakugou Katsuki x Reader]

Chapter 6: Cherish Me

Somewhere, in the farthest parts of your mind, you almost wish you hadn't met Bakugou Katsuki at all. Here he is, in all his glory, holding up a mirror to you—a mirror you had failed to hold up to yourself.  In it is a scared, young child that feels completely alone.  She fears her loneliness, yet desires it most.  All she wants is for someone to reach out to her and hold her close as her fears dissipate into an abyss.  However, she's terrified that one day that those arms will loosen and that she fall freely until she hits the ground where all her ugly emotions lay—the bottom of the abyss is cold and dark and no light shines there.

Instead of letting go of her fears and letting herself be held, all caution thrown to the wind, she learns to keep them at bay and to reject help from those around her.  In her mind, she cannot be tossed into the chasm if there are no arms to carry her; in her mind, she cannot reunite with her unsightly feelings if she never lets them go.

And then, the partner to her soul waltzes in, telling her to he can help her run away from the abyss altogether if she's willing to let him; telling her that she doesn't have to tame her hideous emotions, but rather, he can help her make peace with them if she were to let him.

This scares that young child even more—it scares you even more.  Bakugou Katsuki, your soulmate, wants only for you to share your burden with him, and you won't let him because you're too scared to hurt yourself even more—or worse, hurt him.  Throughout the past several years, you had never learned to let someone in again without feeling like it's going to be the end of the world. You hadn't ever made peace.

That night when you arrive at your dorm room—chilled to the bone, once again—you don't attempt to sleep. You settle down in front of your bedroom window. In its reflection, a frightened young child stares back at you for the remainder of the night.

~

The first day after your final confrontation, your general studies classes drag by boringly. You know that you should be paying attention, but instead, you stare blankly at your notebook in front of you. Your pencil is poised to make notes across your material, but it never meets the page—it hovers above the paper for the full duration of your morning classes.

When the bell rings for lunch, you shuffle slowly toward the cafeteria, and your eyes unconsciously settle onto the table you know Katsuki sits at. He sits with friends you had heard lots about, but had never met—you normally only come to buy your lunch, leaving right after to head to your workshop for the remainder of the afternoon. There's the usual irate air about him that's always present whenever he's not with you. Even now, while he's in this perpetual waspish state, Katsuki still looks beautiful to you.

Your heart drums painfully against your ribs, and you turn on your feet, quickly making your way out of the lunch hall.

You have just enough change to buy yourself a bottle of juice from the vending machine that sits just a ways away from your workshop. After making the purchase, you quickly move to lock yourself away in the confines of the room that now holds a plethora of memories; memories of soft, hesitant touches, longing gazes, and warm embraces—memories of you and your soulmate.

As you twist open the cap of the bottle and sip at the sweet contents inside, you realize that you'd gotten too used to Katsuki being in this room with you—your shoulders slouch a bit forward at the realization that the room around you feels overly spacious and lonely now. A doleful air quick takes hold of the room.

Your work is blowsy that afternoon, and you know that you'll have to do extra work to make up for it tomorrow. 

~