Dark Secrets (Sherlock x Reader)

Doubts

''Not good enough.''

John sighed, flashing the hard-working shop owner an apologetic look.

''Alright then,'' the woman said, forcing a smile on her face. ''What about this one?'' She held up another ring. It was a simple, silver band with a small diamond embedded in the metal. Around it were engraved lines designed in a sophisticated pattern.

Sherlock shook his head. ''Not good enough.''

''Bloody hell, Sherlock!'' John finally snapped. ''We have been to six jewellery shops today. We have seen a hundred rings! Would you just get on with it and pick one?''

''How am I supposed to just pick one, John? None of the rings we've seen are good enough! It has to be perfect. These are not perfect!''

The woman closed the wooden box, her carefully manicured nails scratching the lid. ''Get out of my shop. I will not have my life's work insulted like this!''

John groaned.

This was the third shop they had been kicked out of. They were starting to run out of options.

''Alright, listen to me, you prick,'' the blogger seethed, ''I am taking you to one more shop. If you get us kicked out again, you can find a ring on your own.'' He marched out the door, the bell smacking against the wall with a loud ding as he slammed the door shut.

Sherlock stayed put for a brief moment before quietly following John outside.

They hailed a cab and sat silently in the backseat, both men staring out the window and watching London flash by.

Sherlock tore away his gaze from the scenery and looked at his friend. His gloved hands were trembling ever so slightly as they had been ever since he broke the news to John concerning his marriage proposal.

Telling John about his plan to propose to you had made it far too real for the detective. He still had doubts but more so on what your answer would be rather than the commitment he wanted to make to you.

His heart was set on marrying you. Never before had he met someone like you. Someone so similar to him yet so caring and genuine. Someone who matched him so perfectly yet challenged him in the ways he needed to be.

You reminded him of John, someone he cared about deeply. There was something different about you, though. Something that had made the detective fall head over heels in love with you.

He wrung his hands and looked down at them. ''I need this to be perfect, John,'' he said quietly.

John sighed, briefly closing his eyes before turning to his friend. ''I know, Sherlock. That's how I felt as well when I decided I wanted to propose to Mary, but not everything has to be perfect. It's not about the size of the diamond or the grandiosity of the gesture, it's about your feelings and wanting to spend the rest of your life with her.''

Sherlock chuckled lightly. ''Rare wise words from doctor Watson.''

''Oh, sod off,'' the blogger laughed.

Both men shared a laugh before Sherlock once again grew solemn.

''What is up with you, mate? You're going to propose to (Y/N)! You should feel thrilled and happy, not depressed.''

The detective sighed deeply.

''Do you not want to marry her?''

''I do.''

''Then what is the problem?''

The detective took a long pause. He wasn't too keen on putting himself out there and exposing his emotions and vulnerability. Though, something about the concerned look on his friend's face and their close friendship made him feel secure enough to at least open up a little bit. These feelings of doubt had been gnawing at him ever since he returned from his two-year mission. He didn't want to admit it, but he needed advice from someone he trusted. 

''I fear I'm getting ahead of myself. I fear she does not share my feelings and will reject my proposal. If that happens, I don't know what I'd do.''

John smiled. ''I'm positive she'll say yes.''

Sherlock turned to him, eyebrows knitted together. ''How do you know? Did she tell you?''

''She loves you. You've been together for a while. Why wouldn't she say yes?''

''I was gone for two years.''

''But you came back.''

''Yes, but –''

''What is it you're really afraid of? You know she loves you, so what is bothering you so much? And don't claim it's rejection. I know you better than that, Sherlock. There's more to this.''

''I was gone for two years, John. I only returned six weeks ago. My time undercover changed me. It changed (Y/N). Whatever she went through with Moriarty before I faked my death changed her as well. What if all that we've been through has torn us apart?''

''If that's how you feel, you shouldn't be marrying her.''

''It's not.''

''Then why bring it up if you don't feel that way?''

''Because I don't know how she feels! She never talks to me. She always refuses to discuss what happened while I was gone, what happened with Moriarty after he had taken her. She has closed herself off to me entirely!''

''Well, why not try therapy? It could be a solution to these problems you both have.''

Sherlock snorted. ''And what good would that do? Paying another person to listen to me complain?''

John rolled his eyes, biting his tongue. ''It can be helpful for some people.''

''I don't believe in therapy.''

''For Christ's sake, Sherlock! It's not the tooth fairy, it's people who could help you. What is so bad about asking for help?''

''I don't ask for help, John. Nor does (Y/N). Not ever.''

''You don't think that could be the problem here, hm? You're both so ridiculously stubborn, it's hurting you as well as your relationship. Is it really worth it? Are your stubbornness and pride really worth your relationship?''

This alarmed Sherlock. He sat up straight, staring his best friend in the eyes. ''What do you mean?''

John sighed. ''You don't trust each other. You don't talk to each other. These things are required in a relationship in order to keep it healthy and make it work. If you refuse to work on your issues, it could break you two up.''

''It could?'' the detective spoke in a whisper.

''It happens all the time to so many couples, Sherlock.''

''You and Mary. Did you ever...?''

''We had a few sessions with a couple's counsellor when we first got married. We both had trouble adjusting but the woman we saw helped us through it.''

Sherlock looked down again. After a while, he spoke up, ''I think (Y/N) and I should... should speak to someone.'' His voice was strained and held an edge to it.

''I think for once in your life you have finally made a wise decision, mate.''

Sherlock didn't respond or smile at his friend's comment. He was deep in thought, analysing your relationship and everything that had been bothering him.

Above all, he was thinking about how to approach you with this new insight. He knew all too well you wouldn't like this idea, but he felt he had to do something. If what John had said was true, these problems could mean the end of your relationship.

Sherlock was prepared to do anything to prevent losing you again.

~

Let me know what you think of the story so far! 

There won't be a lot more chapters after this. The story is almost finished.

Thanks so much for reading ♥