See it from my Side

Numb

Numb.

Constant Numbness. I didn't feel pain. I didn't feel anger. I didn't feel love. I didn't feel.

Julian hadn't spoken to me, or seen me, since he left my room the first night that I was back, it had been around a week and I hadn't really seen anyone. I only saw the maid who brought me food. Bottled blood. Julietta had tried to start talking to me but soon decided that it was useless. My mother had been, only to pass on a message from Wolfy. I told her to say I didn't want to see him. Father had been to see me, he told me to grow up, that he needed me to meet suitors, he didn't understand that I didn't care. He didn't understand that I just wanted to be left alone.

I was left alone.

Until, I wasn't anymore. It was time for the annual ball. For a week there would be four of the most prominent vampire families staying on the Island. We would all spend the week going to each others houses for dinner and wine and then there would be a ball at the end of the week. The ultimate goal was to pair off everyone's children. Incest was generally hard to avoid but they were always careful that no relatives closer than cousins ever married each other. All sorts of genealogists were involved to avoid such mistakes. I don't really take the time to remember how I'm related to anyone anymore.

My mother, surprisingly wasn't from one of the four other families, she was from a level below the family she married into. Practically unheard of but my father refused to marry anyone from our...standing. 

This year only the immediate royal families would be attending, my father and the other kings felt that it was necessary because almost all of the children (meaning the girls) from the five families were of the age to marry.

The Reymonds were the kindest, as kind as a royal vampire family can be in any case; the Cassidys were the most dangerous, my father had always warned us to never be in a room alone with a Cassidy, they enjoyed a fight, a drink and had been known to...force their affections on people; Then there were the Silvertons, they were so fair up their own...regions, I'm surprised that they could see the sun that they were forced to avoid; which brings us to the Regantos were the human lovers, the Cassidys and Silvertons often made fun of them but really, they were the ones that I had the most in common with.

" Julianna, snap the hell out of it will you? I'm sick of it...Julietta's sick of it. You're hurting our little sister! Can't you see that?" Julian yelled having burst into my room and sitting so close that I could feel his warm breath on my face and just then, I could see it, I could see what I was doing and I hated myself for it and just then I started to feel again. In that small moment I could see exactly what I had been doing for the past...well I didn't know. I didn't even know how long I'd been out of it, I just knew it had been a long time and it had to stop. In that moment, looking into the inky black eyes of my brother, I flew back to reality.

" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I broke down into tears and sobs wracked my body. I felt Julian's arms wrap around me and he comforted me, for however long we'd sat there, he rubbed my back and stroked my hair and whispered how it was alright. I felt his tears on my cheeks in my hair. I'd done this. I had been so selfish.

Eventually, he let me go and gave me a gentle shove towards my bathroom. " Go get cleaned up. The other families are visiting tonight, well the kids anyway. We could use you being at least semi-presentable." He laughed slightly.

" You trying to marry me off as well?" I joked.

Julian most definitely wasn't joking anymore when he said, " I'm not. I want you to end up happy, not like the other vampire couples we've met. Honestly? I think you should work things out with Wolfy. It'll be difficult now though." I couldn't for the life of me remember if Julian even knew about me and Wolfy or if he'd guessed but I didn't care, he was trying to help.