When I Met Alysa

11. Rage

Sunlight floods my bedroom, and I blink sleepily as the cool breeze from the window gusts across my face. For a moment I think why aren't I in America? and then the memories come cascading back, darkening my vision so I wince and curl down underneath my covers. Alysa's face, tired and tearstained, pleading with me to stay... the gentle sound of the plane, purring through the night... the shocked faces of my parents when I knock at the door at 2am in the morning. 

But now it is daytime, and I must face up to what I have done. Which is: abandoned my best friend. I'm in total disgrace with my parents (and Alysa's parents). I'm never allowed back in the Mayden household again. Which, come to think of it, may be a good thing. 

'Madison.' My mother's voice is cold, and stern. I edge up in the bed a little, and see she is standing in the doorway, arms folded, with a look like thunder on her face. 'Explain.' 

'I-I...' I stutter, and she steps through the doorway, her expression softening only a little. 

'Maddi,' she says, 'you turn up at two o'clock in the morning with all your luggage, when you're meant to be in America. You give no explanation of why you're here -' 

'I had no chance!' I argue. 'You bundled me off to bed with hot chocolate and a bar of Dairy Milk!' 

'Because I am your mother, not a police officer!' she says exasperatedly. 'I gave Mrs Mayden a full recompense of your air fees - about five hundred pounds! Don't you think it's only fair I get an explanation?'

I lower my head in shame. 'Yes, Mum,' I whisper. 

'Oh, lighten up, Maddi,' she says. 'It's not the end of the world, you know. I'm not that cross with you. Mrs Mayden told me over a cup of tea all about Alysa's secret. I do understand that you felt a bit annoyed, but... coming all the way back to the UK? Don't you think that's a little harsh?' 

'What, on Alysa?' I say haughtily, sitting up properly and throwing the covers off. 'Don't you think that she was a little harsh, hmm?' 

'Well, I kind of meant, harsh on her parents. I mean, they paid for you to come all the way to America, and tried as hard as they could to give you a nice time, but...' 

I shrug. 'Hey, it's not my problem.' I know I am being selfish, but... I have a right to be. 'And yeah, Mum, I've just lost my best friend. It kind of is the end of the world.' 

'Aww...' Mum leans in and gives me a hug, then holds me back at arm's length. 'Now then, get tidied up and ready for school, madam.' 

'What?' I say, totally shocked. 'No way can I go to school like this, Mum!'

'Not in your Mickey Mouse pyjamas,' she laughs, 'no. Now get into your school clothes-'

'Oh, come on, Mum, you know what I mean. I didn't get to sleep till about half two in the morning!' 

'And you've been awake later than that,' she reprimands, 'remember all those times when I've come up the stairs and you're reading?'

'It was once!' I protest. 'And come on, it was Lord of the Rings! It's Tolkien, Mum! Gripping! And there was Frodo, about to throw the ring into the depths of Mount Doom, and there you are, at the doorway!' 

'Life isn't fair!' she sings, and prances out the room, windmilling her arms and almost knocking over a clay vase that I made aged seven. 

'CAREFUL, Mum!' I yell after her, but she's gone, faint sounds of Hallelujah, hallelujah echoing up the stairs. 

                                                        *

'Maddi?' My dad pokes his head round the door. 'It's Alysa on the phone.' 

'Don't care.'

'Oh, come on!' he says. 'She sounds pretty desperate to talk to you. I mean, it's like two in the morning in America.' 

'Still don't care.' 

'Madison!' Dad leans against the doorway. 'I am COMMANDING you to talk to your best friend!'

'She's not my best friend,' I reply, and concentrate on the task at hand - ripping down the A1 posters of Alysa and me from my walls and stuffing them in my wastebin. 'Not any more.'

'Anyway, you shouldn't be doing that.' My mum is standing at the door, Mari in her arms. 'Look, I've got to take your little sis to playgroup, so if you're ready on time I can give you a lift to school, okay?'

'Don't worry.' I'm already throwing my schoolbag over my shoulder. I sashay through my doorway, knocking the phone out of Dad's hand. It crashes to the floor, the dull noise reverberating through the wooden floorboards. 'Bye, Mum. Bye, Dad. Bye, Mari.'

I'm out of the house before I know it, skipping over the cracks like I used to when I was little.

With Alysa...

No. I mustn't think like that. She's out of my life now, for ever and always. That's why I'm doing this... right?

I head on, straight past the school gates, and turn down the road that leads to Keats Park. A quick vault over the railings, even though the gate is just a few metres away, and I'm there. Standing in front of our flowerbed.

My flowerbed. 

Hit with a sudden flash of rage, I lean forwards and pluck a single rose from the soil, tossing it onto the ground. I hate her... I hate her... I hate her... The whole bed is slowly being demolished as I let out my fury towards her. Why didn't she tell me? WHY?

I rock back on my toes at last, exhausted, and survey what I've done. Discarded petals are scattered across the once-immaculate lawn, and the bed itself is a complete mess. Footprints cascade across the dirt, and there are several deep prints where I've stamped. 

'I'm sorry,' I tell the world. Then, quick as lightning, I hop over the railings again and down the path to school. 

But suddenly I can't face school. Sitting next to Alysa's desk all day will be torture. No, I can't do it....

And with a feeling of dread... ohmigod, I've never bunked off before... I deliberately turn away from the road leading to school, and march in the opposite direction. I don't care where I go, as long as it's not here.