hospital | ethan dolan

6

etta

"thank you grayson" i smile at him

"no problem, ethan had to get chemo done" grayson smiles sadly

"he'll be okay" i grab graysons hand

"i know" he smiles "he's always been a fighter, and stubborn as fuck"

bianca laughs "sounds like someone in here"

"hey! i am NOT stubborn" i cross my arms

"mhm" abby eyes me down

as the three in front of me converse about there day and other things i ring nurse jane on my buzzer

"yes hon?" nurse janes sweet voice questions

"am i allowed to get up now?" i ask her

"yes. no running" she laughs

"ha ha funny, me running?"

i get up to hug abby and bianca. "i'm so sorry that your last day with me was all this shit"

"don't be sorry et. we'll see you again" abby tells me

"yeah" bianca chimes in

"see you guys later!" i wave to my best friends as they exit the hospital

"wanna see ethan?" grayson asks

"yeah" i reply

we walk back from the exit of the hospital to ethan's room. in my right hand, i carry around my iv drip bag on a moving pole with my portable oxygen in the other hand

"hey grayson?" i look up to the tall boy

"yeah?" he looks down at me

"could you uh...move my mask to my mouth? my hands are kinda occupied" i chuckle a bit

"yeah" he laughs moving my mask from my chin to my mouth covering my lips

"thank you" i smile under my mask

i hate the hospital.

we come here to get better

or we come here to die

at this point i'm dying

what's the point in trying to live?

"hey guys" ethan smiles at us

"hey e!" grayson hugs his brother

i wave

i couldn't bring myself to say anything. it's too sad. watching ethan, a young, funny, smart, and innocent boy go through something so ugly

"i have to uh- go do my afflovest" i force a smile to the sweet boys in front of me

"oka-" i cut ethan off as i'm walking to my room right across from his

"i can't. i can't. i can't do it!" i throw my nasal tubes on the ground with my face mask

nurse jane comes barging in the room "etta! are you okay sweety?" she hugs me as i start to cry

"i feel sick i'm sorry. i should just lie down" i tell her

"okay let me take your temperature" she grabs a thermometer out of one of the cabinets i have "102" she sighs "rest honey i'll get you your favorite smoothie"

"thank you" i smile

i didn't actually feel sick. goddammit cf always making me sick

i'm so over this shit

i want to be healthy, and live free without always getting sick, more sick

nurse jane comes back in my strawberry kiwi smoothie and gives me medicine to cool the fever off

"thank you" i fake smile at my generous nurse that i've known for fifteen years

"no worries etta, just relax for the day" she smiles before leaving new meds on my med cart

pshh relax? i can't do that.

i grab my nasal tubes and face mask off the floor and put them on

i make sure my iv is out of my hand and make sure the drip bag is in the sink, so it doesn't spill on my floor

i lastly grab my portable oxygen, shoes, and jacket

i take a peak out of the door and make sure no nurse can see my escape

i see the clear coast and jog towards the hospital exit

i quietly sneak past a family that entered the door and blend in with some people leaving

"perfect" i whisper as i am out of this hell hole

i begin to walk towards the little path that leads to the park

i follow the path for what feels like years, and finally make it to the beautiful park

no one was here

10:26 pm

"no wonder people aren't here" i laugh to myself as i read the numbers off of my watch

i didn't bother to bring my phone. i don't want to talk to anyone

i feel alone.

i have people who love and care for me

but no one to talk to about me

everyone is so worried about my condition, they don't worry that i want to live my life to the fullest, and not worry about this shit, or that my favorite color is orange! they don't know my lucky number is four.

that's the kind of things to worry about.

i want them to know etta.

not cystic fibrosis etta.