I Do Until I Don't

Chapter 29

 I deserve someone who looks at me like I'm magic. What does that mean? Like I can disappear? Like I'm complicated? Like I'm mysterious? I don't want to be a mystery. I want to be someone's favourite person. I want my soulmate to recognize me by the sound of my footsteps. I want my soulmate to know what I eat every morning, how I feel, what I think. I want my soulmate to─

"ELLA-MAE! CONCENTRATE!" Sabrina yells, pulling me away from my thoughts. I blink a few times to take in my surroundings. The beach. One beach chair. Julia sipping on a martini. Sabrina with her movie camera. Oh right, we're about to shoot a scene.

"I'm sorry," I say. I take my position on the sand and look at the ocean, squinting my eyes, blinded by the burning sun.

"ACTION!" Sabrina calls, and I start piling up sand to form MÉLANIE. A wave crashes on the shore and destroys my creation when I only have the IE left to write. "CUT!" Sabrina sighs and comes over. "Get away from the ocean." I move and she calls again, "ACTION!"

When I'm done with my MÉLANIE, Julia comes in, running, and steps on it. She nails the Mélanie-I'm-So-Sorry look and bends down to help me.

"That's okay," I tell her. I try my best to imitate Nia's disappointed expression. "Oh! You're the girl from yesterday!"

I have always admired Nia's casual obsession with my sister. She was writing her name in the sand the day after they met and then pretended not to remember her. Smooth, in a way.

"Yeah! You're Nia, right?" Melanie asks.

"And you're Melanie. You like ice cream and long walks on the beach."

Julia pretends to look around and considers what she's about to say next. A part of me wonders if maybe she forgot her line, but the other part knows she's only nailing the whole I-Am-Super-Casual-On-The-Outside-Even-Though-Inside-I-Am-Freaking-Out facial expression. Finally, she says, "Wanna go on a long walk on the beach with me? Now?"

"Sure!" I cheer.

"CUT!" Sabrina calls. "It's supposed to be "Yeah! Sure." She points the script even though I can't read it from where I stand. "Come on, Ella-Mae! Concentrate! ACTION!"

We shoot the scene until Sabrina has the footage she needs. Which means we shoot the scene ten times. It took us two hours.

"I propose we all take a break," Sabrina says, taking Julia's glass of martini and chugging it all in one sip. "It's hella hot, and I don't want my actresses to sweat. Take five."

"How about 24 hours?" Julia says, fanning her armpits with her script. "If I stay one more second outside, I'm going to melt."

I know she says that partly because it's the truth, and partly because she feels bad for always being around when Sabrina's here. I think she thinks Sabrina and I need to spend more alone time together. Before I have the time to tell her that I want her to stay, that I don't mind if she stays, she grabs her things and leaves me alone with Sabrina.

"Thanks for the movie," I tell my best friend, whipping the back of my neck with a towel.

"No probs," Sabrina says. "It's really fun."

She takes my towel and whips her head with it.

"So what's up with you and Fannar?"

I shake my head. "No, no! You now. We always talk about Fannar and all. What about you?"

She shrugs. "What about me? I clean the beaches in my free time and I edit the movie and that's all."

I lay on my stomach on the sand, resting my head on my hands. Sabrina giggles and imitates my position. The parasol hides us from the blinding sun and that's the only reason I decide not to go inside. Also, there are no beaches in Boston, I can't take them for granted.