Innocence

Chapter four

Hello sorry i suck at updating, I started writing another new book and I'm hooked on it and that's been taking all my time.

Bellamy

I thought for just a second that Harry and I may have been getting along but that only lasted a few hours and a few hours only. The next day we were back to being bitter towards one another and practically hating each other, I cant say that im surprised though.

Ive been here In New York for about three weeks as of now and I cant say that im liking it anymore than when I stepped off the plane to come live here. I haven't really made any friends and I come home just to stay in my room all day to talk to myself or my aunt and uncle. I thought that just maybe I would have friends as quick as that make it seem in the movies but that has proven not to be so easy, especially with the people I attend school with and all that are in the general area that im in. Most kids around here are extremely stuck up and too bougie even for me, a girl who used to live in Southern California. The atmosphere is completely different and im really not used to it at all, its not like I want to be though.

All the girls who claim they're friends sit around and talk behind one another backs while seconds later they're hanging out as if they were the best of friends, all the guys really care about is out dressing one another and bragging aboutnthe girl that they just smashed the previous night, including Harry; Harry being the main one out of all the conversations ive heard. Its quite comical, he has his mom and my aunt and uncle fooled that eventhough he's an asshole, he comes off innocent but boy that couldn't be further from the truth. Harry gets more ass than a toilet and im quite surprised as to how many girls he's really been with. Not that im judging its just not something im used to to this extent. Girls practically throw themselves at him and he takes them as easy bait and tosses them to the side as of the were even a person.

The two of us have gone from socializing every now and then to not even talking anymore but I really couldn't care less at this point, he's not the type go person id want to associate myself with given his reputation at the school. He's a bad boy, everyone around thee town and even other towns know of him and what he's about and it almost makes meekest intimidated in a way. Almost like in a cliche high school movie, Harry would be at the top of the hierarchy in the school. At the top with all the star athletes, the cheer captains, the class clowns and most well known people, while I am possibly at the lowest of the low on the chart. My new girl fascination has begin to ware off and people are starting to find me less interesting as the days fly by. For the first two weeks there were all sorts of people and different groups befriending me, scoping me out and seeing what I was about. Seeing if I drank or smoke, partied or stayed out late, get caught up in different schemes or was I a sexual person who let It be known that I was. Things that all the 'lit' people did around here and once it was noted that I was in fact not that type of person, it was as if I failed the initiation test to become apart of the groups and I was kicked to the curb until the another new girl came and they could put her through various unknown test to see if she could fit in with their activities.

Once I self discovered I practically hadn't made it, I was quite hurt to say the least; I had always wanted to be apart of the 'popular' crowd and I had every chance to start a clean slate with all these people and not only did I fail them, its like I failed myself in a way but whats new? Failed relationships and disappointments are all i've been facing lately.

So now Im just Bellamy Jones, or more commonly known as, that black girl from Cali with the fat ass.

It stings not really fitting in with multiple or even one group of people. Im too black for the white girls and too white for the black girl; not fit or peppy enough for the cheerleaders or sports girls and I definitely didn't even look towards the gamers or those types of groups because that's really not my cup of tea or something id sway towards, not here or in California at my old school. Almost a month into school and I haven't found my group of people or even someone who I can really count on to not be a second choice to. There are people here and there that I socialize with in my classes or at lunch at time but they're no one I see myself socializing with outside of school. Towards the end of my time in California I struggled with this same problem, the people that I once called friends all flaked and flocked off in different directions leaving me with no one to confide in.