I miss you.
Not the "I'm lonely" kind of missing you everyone commonly feels at midnight. It's the kind longing you feel when you're hearing beautiful music, and you want it to share with that special someone. The "I miss you" feel when you catch a scent that reminds you of him, that even after a long day under the sun, you still want to sniff his sweaty shoulders. And when you're alone, and that you miss him while having your late night coffee as you waste inks and paper writing endlessly about him.
I miss you when I wake up and I don't see your face looming over mine, as you have always get up before me. You say you like watching me sleep, like a cat snugging in your chest seeking warmth. I miss the smell of the coffee you make, as you know I rarely eat breakfast, you just give me my daily dose of caffeine. I miss the way you say you'll be back home early, when you wave playfully behind your back, knowing that I'd watch you walk away until I don't see you anymore far off the street.
I miss the afternoons when you call me, asking me where I was, what was I doing, and other small nosy stuff you always want to find out about my day. I miss our evening walks, wondering where to eat, or where to go, maybe something we could buy, or just sit someplace quiet and watch the stars till midnight. I miss when you let me fall asleep first, your promises filling my ears that you'd always stay by my side.
I miss the way you run your fingers through your hair, the habit you always do when you're thinking. I miss the way you rest your cheek on your palm, either left or right, as you watch me make a mess of the kitchen trying to cook for you. And I miss the way you'd laugh at my mistakes, and you do everything I fail on perfectly. I miss the way you hug me from behind whenever we have problems; it was always you who said sorry first even though I was the one at fault. I miss the way you taught me to do things, scolding me like a little girl that I should learn to be independent. I miss the way you call me many times in a day, whenever you're away. I miss hearing the worry in your voice. I miss feeling your love.
I still watch the stars, pretending you're still here beside me. I miss the way you say, you'd always watch over me even from the heavens. I miss reaching out my hand, to touch you, to feel you, to hold you. I miss you being near me all the time, and now you're so far away.
A distant star, shining brightly over me, from that sad dark sky you're the only light that gives me hope. As if I'm not alone, as if you're just at my fingertips, waiting for me to need you more than I feel right now.
I've always wondered why I never missed you before, and now that I do, the pain feels like the infinite number of stars above me.
I'll always miss you.
~
10/22/2014
12:57am
