Once upon a long time after The Jump

Chapter 5

The following weeks, Sam felt happier than he could remember feeling for a continuous period of time since when he, dad and Molly had been a family for a few years. Those years when the grownups were madly in love yet had made it completely clear that they wanted him there in their midst, that he was loved too, not an intruder in their relationship. Those were years when his dad had stayed home for longer periods than ever before; laughing, playing, present, carefree and happy instead of distant and restless like he had been with Sam's mum. Rooted instead of on the run. Those perfect, precious days had continued one after another, like wild strawberries lined up on a straw - until uncle Elvis died. After that things were never the same again, instead moved in slow motion towards a bitter end. His dad distanced himself from Sam and Molly, stayed away for long periods again and on the rare occasions when he was with them, his expression was absent or tormented like he no longer was able to enjoy their company. Sam had seen them drift apart, unable to do anything about it. He and Molly had tried to support one another, but he was not enough. Dad broke her heart and then she was gone.

Sometimes he brought out those good memories from a locked box inside his mind, like a beautiful little snowglobe to shake and watch the glitter swirl for a while, but then always put it away because in the end the loss was so painful that he could not endure the beauty of it. She was gone and so was that happy version of his dad, even if he remained in body. It was a consolation and part of a healing process that dad and he had found their way back to each other in recent years, it really was, but the sweet and far too short time with Molly somehow still remained the golden standard for pure, unadultered happiness as far as Sam was concerned.

Now that had changed. Now there was Betsy.

One day he and Betsy walked through the park holding hands. The sun warmed their backs and a breeze made cherry blossom petals swirl around them like a pink spring version of snow. Suddenly he thought of that time when he, dad and Molly had gone to the pier in Brighton. He had been too old to hold hands really, yet he had that day. Walked between them, holding both their hands in between riding carousels, eating cotton candy and laughing so their stomachs hurt. The essence of happiness. Walking here now, holding Betsy's hand as the blossom petals fell around them in the warm breeze, felt the same. For the first time in forever it was like he was inside the imaginary snowglobe instead of outside, watching it.

He had found happiness of his own and he had no intention of ruining it or letting it slip through his fingers like his dad had. There were moments when he was scared, when he thought the wisest thing might be to run the other direction before he fell even harder, but he did not. Instead he held her closer, kissed her sincerer and shared his laughs and his body with her as much as he could.

There was a moment when she lay next to him, when he had an epiphany looking at her sleeping form, fully realising what his father had meant when he said he would not try to be with anyone else than Molly. If you once had known what it felt like to be with the one, no one else would ever do as replacement. He understood that feeling now. It simultaneously made him very sad for his dad and so very happy for him and Betsy. It was early days, but he knew this was it.

Work was more fun than ever now when they were together, but he was grateful that his thesis was finalised and he only had to prepare for the oral examination and thesis defence, because it was hard to focus when his mind was so full of her. When she was there in person, all he wanted to do was to snuggle up with her, kiss her, feel her, smell her, be drawn into her intoxicating laughter. When she was not there, all he could do was think of the same things. It was like every part of him, every cell in his body, belonged to her and strived to be near her. When he was near her, there was a calmness in him and the sensation of utter completeness and joy.