"Not our fault Lukes fat." (UNEDITED)

*Chapter 1* The Twitcam

Lukes pov

"Not our fault Lukes fat!" I can feel my skin go cold and my hands get sweaty at Ashtons words, the boys all let out a laugh at one of the drummers many jokes. They all turn back towards the twitcam but i am left staring down at my hands, i play with my thumb as i start to think over what they meant.

'They think im fat?'
'I thought i was finally going alright!'
'its just like primary school' (just before high school)
'i have to be perfect i have to be perfect'

I completely zone out so that when Calum puts his hand on my thigh i jump a bit at the contact.

"You alright Luke?" He whispers in my ear, i just nod my head and look back to where Ashton is talking, i see Calum look at me for a bit longer before he gives up and moves to look at the other boys as well. The relationship i have with the boys is so confusing i often find myself getting upset at it, we have all kissed a few times and we all act as if we are all boyfriends..ashton and calum have come out as bisexual a few years ago and mikey and i haven't said a thing about our sexuality, i think we all know we will be together at some point, we just don't feel the need to announce it.

"So yes guys we just want to thank you all so much an-MICHAEL I WAS TALKING!" I fake a small giggle as i watch Mikey take the laptop away and back to the bedroom (just pretend it happens) Ashton looks at Calum and i before jumping out of the bath and running to find michael before he shows everyone his butt. I make a move to follow them slowly, but Calum puts a hand on my wrist and looks at me, i know what hes thinking, he knows im upset and hes worried, all the boys know i used to have 'bad habbits' in school after being constantly teased and part of that was hurting myself and not eating, i wanted to be perfect and i was willing to do anything to get there but luckily the boys noticed before i did some serious permanent damage to myself and then a lot of crying and talking to my parents happened but i don't think about that now or else it just makes me feel incredibly guilty.

"You know you can talk to any of us if you need to babe right? and it was just a joke okay? i promise just a joke." Calum reaches out and carefully picks up my arm, he pulls back my many bracelets and stares straight on at my wrist, i look at my skin and see the pale white lines criss crossing over my arm, there are so many but lots are faded so its no where near as bad as it was.

Calum looks back up at me before leaning down and presses soft kisses on my wrist, i allow my eyes to slip closed at the utter feeling of love which zooms through me, but then i hear Ashton laugh from the other room and michael yell out 'Is it that hard to get luke outta the bath?'

I open my eyes and i can feel the tears gathering in my the back of my eyes, Calum stands back and looks me in the eye while grabbing both my hands.

"Hey hey they're just joking luke you know that right? they are being stupid and i'll tell them later its not funny okay?" I zoned out halfway through Calums little speech so i just nod my head and smile.

"I'm fine!" i give him a quick smile and a peck on the cheek before racing out of the bathroom and to the bedroom where the rest of the boys are lying on the bed. I run up behind them and just stand there quietly, until Mikey pulls on my leg from behind and pulls me down onto the boys, i can hear Ashton groaning from my weight and i can feel myself wince from the self hatred which comes crashing down onto me. I look behind me and can see calum come out of the bathroom.

Show him you're alright or else you'll worry him!

"I just want to cuddle.." I mutter before cuddling into michael and ashtons back, they both laugh and start to go on about me being gay for hugging backwards, i just sigh quietly until calum runs over and jumps on top of us as well