Inner Struggle~

Llamazing

Hi, this is Llamazing2123  from Wattpad. Here's my chapter :)

Depression is a scary thing. It comes at you when you're feeling the highest in life sometime. When depression started its course in me, I didn't know how to handle it. See, I never even knew that it existed when it had begun to take over my life. I couldn't eat, and when I did it wasn't much. Sleep happened rarely, in fact, it's a surprise that I made it out alive.

Then there was the feeling of sadness. All I wanted to do was cry and scream and just curl up in a ball. I felt as if nothing could ever change how I felt, that I'd be stuck like this forever. I never had the energy for anything. It was terrifying and I wanted out. It was like I was in Azkaban, and the dementors were stealing all of my happiness. The only way out that I saw, was death.

On multiple occasions, I had attempted to end my life, each one getting interrupted. Just because I literally saw no way out of the sadness and anger that possessed me. I was almost never happy or smiling, truly, I mean. I never left my room, except for school. I only came out when nobody else was home and all I could do was lay on the couch instead of my bed. At one point it got so bad to where my mom finally confronted me.

So I told her about it, my depression, my suicidal thoughts, my self-harming. She just stared at me. That sent me deeper in. I began to tell myself 'nobody cares'. And one day, I decided I was going to actually do it. I couldn't stand my own thoughts. I couldn't stand anything about me, really.

To shorten the story, the police had come to our home and taken me to a hospital. There, I got better, and they sent me to a therapist. All I can say is that I'm glad I survived because it did get better, somewhere along the road. It wasn't fast, believe me, it was slow, but it got better.