The Journals of Wade Dillans: The Four Seasons of August

August 8

PART II - AUTUMN

August 8, 1999 (7:00 AM)

I can't believe that I'll be going to school alone today. I know Jed is always out of school, because of suspensions but this is different. It's alright if he just doesn't attend school because we could still see each other outside school but this time I can't even see him. I could only call him through his cellphone which is completely different from talking to him personally.

I think I should prepare for school now. I don't wanna be late.

~End of Log

August 8, 1999 (11:32 AM)

The cafeteria, a part of the school where I truly feel alone. People are laughing, talking, whispering bad things about that weird girl on the other side of the room; or this loner, that sits alone on his table, writing on his little blue journal, not even minding his food.

Things have been boggling my mind since this morning. I've been wonder if Jed is alright there or if Alice will recover. Them not being with me, scares me that I'll be alone forever. I'm gonna have to make new friends. I don't know who to be friends with though. My school is full of regular geeks, jocks, dumb girls and a few other people who doesn't seem to fit into  those other classes which most likely includes me.

I have to study now. There's an extremely difficult test for History coming later.

~End of Log

August 8, 1999 (4:30 PM)

Alice is still recovering and she's been stable for awhile now. She's having her surgery first thing tommorow morning. 

The hospital has a canteen for the visitors of the patients; It has everything salads, bread, pasta, soda and chips, of course this isn't where the food for the patients come from. It comes from a special kitchen somewhere in the hospital. I don't really know where it is though. The reason why I'm telling things about the canteen is because while I was in the canteen, an odd girl sat with me and she made me realize something which I will tell in detail.

Walking down the hall, I counted the silver doors trying to find the seventh one. The seventh door is the hospital's canteen where all the visitors of the patients can buy food and drinks. As I entered, the canteen was full of people. Everyone was quiet, no one was laughing, it's like the opposite of my school's cafeteria.

I fell in line to get some grub. I chose a peanut butter sandwich, some mashed potatoes and a can of that orange flavored soda that I bought yesterday morning. After I paid for my food I went on to find a table.It was difficult to find a table because the whole place was filled. After awhile I decided to just share a table. I found a table where only an old lady was sitting; But before I sat down I found an empty table on the other side of the room, of course I hurried there because I preferred to sit alone. As I sat down I saw a nerdy looking girl who was trying to find a seat and she's making her way over here. At that time I hoped that she wouldn't sit here; But my desire to feel alone was defied when she sat down across the table. She didn't even ask if she could sit there, typical. I just ignored her.

I started to eat my mashed potatoes. I ate the sides first, because the mashed potato was round so all the gravy was at the sides of the cup. I do love gravy but I don't really eat it that much. I took a sip of my juice when the geeky looking girl who sat across the table commented that I look gloomy in a mean tone. I just nodded because I didn't want a conversation. After awhile she said "Cheer the fuck up kid, others have worse lives than you". Then she just left. At first I thought that she was rude and mean but after awhile, what she said made sense. I thought about it while I was eating and I guess people out there are starving and there are many more who doesn't even have homes. I then went back up to the Intensive care unit, where Alice is being taken care of.

Well, that's what happened. I will be going home after an hour or two.

~End of Log

August 8, 1999 (9:00 PM)

Dad is really acting weirdly for the past few days. I wonder what he's doing. Right now questions are going through my mind. Is he doing something bad? Is it really a business trip? Is he lying to me and mom? I don't know. So I'm going to investigate.

~End of Log

August 8, 1999 (9:30 PM)

I just called dad's office. He doesn't have a scheduled business. Oh! Why didn't I think of this before? Why the hell would the manager of a government owned power plant go to a business trip every night! Oh God! I'm just so stupid.

I shouldn't jump to conclusions. Uh, I should follow him just to make sure, but he already left. Looks like I have to follow him tomorrow night, that is, if he returns.

This is just so great! I feel weak now, great I can barely breathe. I need my meds.

Ah. that feels better. Anyway, about the meds. It's not anything illegal or whatever. I wouldn't do drugs. It's because of my condition. When I get really stressed out I won't feel good at all, I suddenly won't be able to breathe and I would feel every single one of my heartbeats gradually getting slower and slower. I don't know what my condition is called though. I should rest, I don't want another, It hurts too much.

~End of Log