Losing Control - Sanders Sides

Part 13 - Virgil

The knocking from behind the door began to make my ears ring. Like something being drilled into the back of my skull. Now, my hand was touching the doorknob. I didn't feel like I had the strength to push down on the doorknob but I knew I had to. 

Pushing all my weight down to open the door, I pulled the door back to see Logan. He didn't look worried at first, but once he saw that I was mainly using the door to hold myself up, his panic began to bleed through his solid expression.

I could feel my sweaty hand slowly slip from the doorknob. I let myself keep leaning more and more towards that floor. Had I lost my mind? When did I learn to be so careless about getting hurt? I could now feel the metal knob wasn't in my grip anymore. The floor fell towards me fast but it stopped suddenly.

I shook my head, immediately feeling less foggy. Feeling once again all my anxieties about everything slither back into me. I looked to see that Logan had caught me and was grabbing my other hand. He was holding all of my weight and seemed to be struggling in doing so. He wasn't very strong. I grounded my feet and pulled myself up, meeting Logan's worried look. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Why did you almost fall on the floor...willingly?"

"I guess I wasn't really paying attention," I said as a cover-up. I was pretty light-headed from Deceit's craving session in my back and him attempting to control me. I felt better now but I had to be more strong. Something you never will be said the voice in the back of my mind.

Logan helped guide me to my bed so we could both sit and talk. Once he made sure I was sat on the bed and feeling better, he shut my bedroom door and took a seat next to me. "Virgil," he began. I was already sweating from nerves. "I know you haven't been in peak physical condition lately and my question is: why?" 

I brought my hands together in my lap. It wasn't that it was hard to directly lie to Logan's face, but he's a human lie detector. I bit my lip, starting to taste blood. He raised his eyebrow at me. Oh shit, I've been staring at him, haven't I? Okay, I can still save this conversation and not have it go wrong.

"I-I don't know w-what you're talking about," I said with a tremble. He cocked his head slightly as if I was brain dead. He pushed his glasses up as the wheels in his brain continued to spin.

"Virgil, it isn't normal for you-or anyone-to pass out without a reason."

"Who said I didn't have a reason?!" My pupils shrunk as soon as the sentence rolled off my tongue. Why did I say that?! I started to breathe faster and my hands shook. I could feel the contract start to run with flowing blood and if I didn't hide it, Logan would see it and the other sides would die because of me! I can't let that happen, I can't, I CAN'T, I-

"VIRGIL!" Logan yelled. I looked him dead in the eye, trying to read his expression. He seemed like he had been trying to get my attention for a couple of minutes. "What do you mean, you had a reason?!"

I-I h-haven't eaten in a c-couple of days." I managed to say. I gulped as Logan looked taken back.

"Why didn't you say that sooner? I'll make sure Patton makes you something right away." I took a breath. I felt myself calm down slightly.

Logan looked content with what he had accomplished. He stood up from my bed and made his way towards the door. Before he opened the door, he looked back at me, "Are you sure that's all that's troubling you, Virgil?" Logan asked. 

I felt like crying for some reason. I felt like screaming to him about the deal and what just happened with Roman. I felt like giving up with this deal, but I can't let my friends die. Maybe there's another way? 

I just nodded back at Logan and watched him open the door and leave, shutting the door behind him. I sighed heavily as I felt water threaten to spill from my eyes. At this point, I let it happen. I cried and I cried hard. I was tired and today was just the icing on top of this shitty cake. I continued to cry until I grew tired and fell into a deep, dark sleep.