Aliya of Bahariya

The Body

Everybody is sleeping, except for me. My heart still feels like it's pounding furiously from what Musa said to me. Everything he said is turning, turning in my head. I think back to when I said to myself that I was being guided towards water, and when I did find water I was feeling so thankful, but I confused myself because what was I thankful to? If I thought I was being guided towards water, then what was guiding me?

I flip from my left side to my right, and eventually sit up. I struggle in the dark with the tent to get outside so I can look up at the stars; the night is clear and pale moonlight eerily illuminates everything. I look deep into the black sky. I look down at my hands, and roll up my right sleeve to examine the cut on my arm in the dim light. It healed remarkably well for how deep it was. I forgot to tell Musa about it; I should still have someone take a look at it to make sure everything is normal.

I sigh, then look at the wound again. I pinch my arm. I pull the skin as high as it will go then release it back into place. I cut it open, or a rock did, and blood came out. Skin and blood comprises a lot of my body, but then what about me? There is something about me that is more than skin and blood, something that I can't see, the thing that is really the essence of myself even if I had no physical body. That thing, while literally inseparable from my physical body, is somehow also figuratively separable. What's that all about? If I cut my whole arm off I think I still wouldn't be able to see it. I wonder what it would look like? What comes to mind is something blue, delicate and wispy like the clouds, and kind of... starry-looking. A cloud of intelligent energy, physically unbound. 

I look over to see Aisha, who is wrapped up and lying next to Fathima, awake and making small, seemingly uncontrolled movements. My train of thought drifts to the city we are traveling towards, Makkah. What will this be like? Surely more people and camels than there are in this caravan. What will I do when we get there? Will Musa decide I can fend for myself after that, and leave me there? I lay down and close my eyes to ponder this.

__

When I awaken, it's to the smell of food. I sit up. It's still slightly dark out, not quite daytime yet. My head is throbbing from a lack of sleep but my hunger overtakes it.

Fathima smiles and nods at me. "Good morning." She says roughly.

"Good morning." I reply with a smile. 

She turns to Musa and says something in their language.

"Fathima wants to know if you would hold Aisha." Musa says.

I'm sure they see my eyes light up. "Oh, sure!" I move to a kneeling position and Fathima hands the baby to me. My smile is a reflex as I hold her; she's fat and a little heavy. I stroke her skin which is exquisite and unbelievably soft. She makes different noises, and her hands, balled in fists, wave around. I grab one, giving it a squeeze, then go for her tiny feet. "She is lovely."

Musa nods, a knowing look on his face. He opens his mouth to speak, but then his gaze focuses on something behind me and he begins to smile. He says a few words in his language, so I turn to see who he is speaking to. It's a group of children, smiling huge and chattering excitedly. They all have varying shades of dark skin, with big brown eyes.

"The children have come to see Aliya of Bahariya," he says, laughing. "I told them that Bahariya is your tribe. They're young, and wanted an explanation."

"Oh." I shift Aisha around in my arms and turn to face them. I begin to speak and hold out a hand, when suddenly they shriek and run away with huge smiles on their faces. I turn back to Musa, probably looking confused.

"You're a spectacle now." He explains.

"What is that?"

"A spectacle... something exciting to look at." He defines. His hands gesture to me. "We have to work on your vocabulary, I see. How would you define what you can and cannot remember?"

"I remember some things once you say the word for them... like yesterday when you said milk and cheese. But later when I heard about camel milk, I realized that I had a vague understanding of where it comes from? Or something along those lines, I'm not entirely sure. Sometimes I get random pieces of information, memories I suppose... I know basic things, but don't know about bigger... Concepts, I would say. I remembered that I was in the desert. And um, well, all of this," I gesture to the food they have. "Is food, and that is... tea, water, bread..." I trail off. "Well, sand, sky, animals, trees, water. Specific animals, I'm not sure... camels I know, goats..."

"Okay..." He said. "Good to know. I can help you while we walk, to remember things. It might help get your memory back." He perhaps finished the conversation on that note, turning to fold a few things, and bring out the rugs they use for eating. 

I look down at Aisha, and we look into each other's eyes. "Ah..." I begin shyly, trying to pick the conversation back up. I sit the baby down in front of me so her back is leaning against my legs and I roll up my sleeve. "I have a cut on my arm I thought I should mention."

Musa examines it slightly and says a few words to Fathima, who comes to take a look. Musa looks a little apologetic, "We don't know very much. It doesn't look infected, however, and should heal reasonably on it's own. Wash it frequently with water, and keep dirt or sand from it. We can give you a piece of cloth should you want to cover it."

"Sure, thank you." I let my sleeve drop, and unsure of how to bring up my topic smoothly I say it bluntly. "What else is there in my body besides skin and blood?"

"Oh," he muses. "Bones. Organs. I'm not very knowledgeable. Your spine, which runs along your back. I believe that it sort of keeps you upright? Although that's technically a bone, or many bones." 

I reflect back to the skeleton I saw in the desert and twist my arm to touch the middle of my back, feeling something hard protruding. "Ah." I say, feigning interest. "And, uh, what about that thing..." As I continue, I can't fathom saying the words. What thing? I imagine him replying. And then I respond saying, Oh, that blue, cloudy thing inside my body that's truly the essence of myself. I don't have to use the words 'blue' or 'cloudy', but I feel at a loss for what to say otherwise. I realize it has been a few moments since I spoke and Musa is staring at me. "Ah... forgive me, I have forgotten."

I look down at Aisha, telling myself I'll ask him later.