13 Reasons Why [L.S.]

Tape Twelve

"Okay...here we go...this is gonna be a tough one."

And thus starts the 12th and last chapter I have to sit through before it's my turn. I know that sounded selfish, but I don't exactly enjoy listening to the tortured hell that is Louis Tomlinson's life, and I'm eager to hear what he has to say about me. Oh God I hope it's not something terrible. 

"Lucas Miller.

The fewest to none of you probably know this guy. He's from another part of town, another district and another school. Which means he didn't know anything about my past and what I was being accused of at my school. 

I met Lucas when I was grocery shopping for my mom once. We instantly had chemistry and we developed a strong friendship. Then one day he asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes."

My jaw instantly clenches at the mention of the word boyfriend and not my name in the same sentence. I don't know why, I shouldn't think like that, but I can't change it now. I'm in too deep in this love. 

"So we started dating and I had the best time. It made everything else in my life slightly less painful when I was with him. He didn't know anything about my school life and every time he would ask I just switched topics to something about him. He was in another part of my life. There was the heart wrecking school part where I was always - both literally and emotionally - stepped on, and then there was the Lucas part. The part where I felt safe and happy."

Jealous? What? I'm not....no.....definitely not. What are you even talking about? Nope.

"We dated for a pretty long time, and I almost ended up forgetting about the whole killing myself thing. He changed my mind, made me see the happier sides of life. He made it less miserable.

I can't say I was completely in love with him since I still was in love with someone else - someone I had practically never even had a conversation with, but that's not the point. 

As I was saying; I can't say I was completely head over heels in love with Lucas, but I damn sure was depending on him in my life. He became a light source. Someone that brought happiness into my life. The happiness my life literally depended on."

And he somehow went along and screwed it up didn't he. I can't understand the mind of that. Why would you ever ruin something so precious and fragile as Louis Tomlinson's love and trust. If I were in his shoes I would have damn well kept that closer to my heart than human possible. That's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and experience and he is probably gonna go right ahead and ruin it. Fool. 

"So, one I day I got the idea of going to Lucas' house and surprising him with this vase he had once pointed out when we walked by it in a store. I had bought colorful flowers and it looked so full of life. I was so excited."

On no. I think I know where this is going. 

"I knew when his parents wouldn't be home so I went then. I silently opened the front door and tiptoed to his room. I swung open the door, revealing something I definitely hadn't expected. 

There he was. In bed kissing some other guy. 

I gasped and the vase fell to the floor breaking into a thousand heartbroken pieces, just like my own heart did. Lucas had broken the kiss when I had opened the door and was looking apologetically back at me as I was staring wide- and teary eyed at the scenery in front of me. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I couldn't feel my lakes. But I started running. I ran out his house and I just kept running and running and running. My legs were burning, but I kept on running like it was to save my life. 

I had made a fool of myself. I finally trust someone who I genuinely believe won't hurt me and you, Lucas, you do something like that. That's what really made me realize how cruel this world is. So, fuck you, Lucas."

Just my words. 

The tape ends which means....it's my turn now.