Razor Blades And Fractured Thoughts #wattys 2015

CHAPTER TEN: blowing up

My eyes fluttered open and met the bright light of my room, what the hell?, I grabbed my phone to check the time and It was 01:12am, I closed my eyes trying to fall asleep again but It just wasn't coming maybe I should turn off the lights -or not-. 

"Maybe I should go grab a snack, Ice-cream always makes me feel good,-yeah maybe that will do the trick" I said to my self out loud, as I got up and went to the door but stopped before I turned the handle. 

"Its dark out there what If the shadows are waiting for me?" My hands started shaking what If they were listening to me talking to my self while other people were asleep. 

"Girl relax there Is nothing out there" I tried to reassure my self as I swung my door open, there was nothing to be afraid of, It had all been In my head, I chuckled as I went up to my side table and took my phone to light the way so I don't fall and claim that the shadows were attacking my, I giggled at my own stupidity as I descended the stairs. 

"Stupid smart phones, cant even give proper light, the fridge does a much better job than you and Its not even his job, not that Its yours, I'm just.....shit why am I even talking to a phone?" I scoffed grabbing a tub of Ice cream from the fridge that was now beeping In protest because I had opened It for too long, busy talking to a goddamn phone. I quickly closed It and tiptoed to my bedroom hoping I hadn't woke up mom. I took the courtesy of setting an alarm before I placed my phone where It sleeps 

I sat cross legged on my bed and opened the tub of Ice-cream when I realized I hadn't taken the spoon, I groaned loudly. 

"Well to hell with It, a ruler will have to do" I told my self as I got up and grabbed a ruler from my desk and rushed back to my bed to eat my Ice-cream. 

I lifted my pyjama sleeves and frowned at the white scars embedded In my skin, the other wrist was still healing so I didn't like bothering It, I pulled down my sleeves and started eating my Ice-cream, thinking about my new friends, If that's what they were. I wondered about Gabriela, but before I could start crying I pushed the thought out of my mind and that's when another took over my mind, -the green eyes- I remembered who they belonged to, It was the boy from the dinner, as If scared by this realization I closed the Ice-cream tub and put It on the floor and ever so quickly I lay-ed on my bed covering my face with a pillow but the sleep just wouldn't come. 

"Please sleep come to me I need you" I whined muffled by the pillow as If It would hear my request and come running. 

I threw the pillow on the floor frustrated, after a loud sigh I decided to sing my self to sleep. 

"Hush now baby don't you cry mommy's gonna buy you a mocking bird" that was the only part I knew and I was pretty sure I was singing It wrong but I didn't care. I kept on singing that part softly to my self until I fell asleep.

"Can you hear the silence can you see the dark....." I woke up to bring me the horizon blasting through my phone I grabbed It and pressed the snooze. 

"Yes olly I did hear the silence and see the dark but that was before you woke me" I mumbled under my breath, I knew the lyrics were not talking about sleep but that part right there matched my situation perfectly, I slowly closed my eyes, No! my conscience screamed at me, and once again my alarm started singing. 

"God damn It olly I get It ok, I freaking get It" I yelled as I dragged my self out of bed and Into the shower, my wrist Is better now, I thought as I took off the bandage In the shower. 

I got dressed still half asleep I'm surprised being In the shower didn't wake me up, I frown and put on my black hoody headed downstairs. 

The clock on the wall reads 06:30 and I'm glad I woke up early, quickly I make breakfast for me and my mom. Knowing her she's probably still looking for an earring so I settle down and eat my breakfast, after washing my dishes I hear her rushing down stairs.