Chapter Four
Things would’ve been alright if I was a lot more social, things would’ve been better if I knew how to interact with people, but of course, I don’t. I’m always stuck in my imaginary world with imaginary boy band members, that’s how I’ve always been. I’m now in my midst of college, yet, I don’t have the effort of making new friends, or making friends at all, how am I supposed to bring this to the outside world? It all started back in elementary, everyone was your friends until high school came along. And by High school, everyone slowly moved away, and by College, everyone is completely different with a different mindset, and if there’s someone familiar, it’s only Thomas, and that’s maybe why I feel closer to him, at least for now, let’s keep that excuse. I’m close to him because he’s familiar, and not anything else.
As I woke up around 6 in the morning, I took out my diary and wrote down all my thoughts, my diary is important to me, I have a closet specially dedicated to it. All my diaries starting back in 2002, everything is in stored in my small ‘Diary Closet’, because sometimes, when there’s no one ready to listen to you, when there’s nobody that’s beside you, all you need is your fingers and pens and pages, that’s all you need at times.
I was done writing down all I felt in 15 minutes, and that’s obviously a lot of time because I need to get ready for school/college. Another day with people that you don’t talk with. Another day in a place where you don’t fancy.
~*~
“Good Morning, Jason!” Dianne hops around and stood next to me with a large smile.
“Meh” I answer looking at my way to class.
“Didn’t you miss me? The most awesome human being to walk on earth!” Dianne exclaims
“Dianne, I swear I fight back to girls. I swear I hit girls” I said and Dianne just laughs.
“I’m not joking” I stated
“I did not question your sincerity” Dianne answers with a small smile.
“Isn’t it too early for you to spoil my day”
“Jason, I do not spoil your day, I lighten up your day” and with that, she leaves.
Too much for an early start.
~*~
And of course, things wouldn’t go according to my designation as Dianne had to be in the same class I was, and apparently, Thomas isn’t. Is it really that hard to avoid the person that annoys you the most? Maybe I could ask for a change of class, or country or world. Because, maybe this isn’t what I want. Maybe I need a socialized class more with non basic people, or just a school without Dianne-sweet little Dianne- Sweet little annoying Dianne.
~*~
‘-And sometimes, I’m not sure about what I feel for him, the lazy glances and the cute smiles, sometimes, I don’t think if it’s just a game, or maybe I’ve gone beyond what I should be feeling for him, maybe, it’s a lot different than the first time I thought it would be, maybe with him, I feel different. With him, I feel not me, and sometimes that’s what I want to feel, not me. And when I’m with him, I achieve it’
~*~
Well, there’s a diary entry, and no one knows who’s it from xx (((:
And I know I suck because I didn’t update for like, 3 weeks? I just got over with my first exams, and second term is rolling in, and shit gets harder, and man, I wish I was back being a small kid. I’m so sorry for the short update, next updates would be longer, I promise, and yeah! Watch out ((:
-Reen xx
