Apples of Life

My very first memory is of waking in my cot, pulling myself up to the railings, watching mum sleep. I look around the room at the huge wooden wardrobes and see the Vaporiser had been on all through the night. I can smell the vapour and the candle has gone out, it feels chilly and I am hungry and need a nappy change.

Mum stirs in her bed and her eyes flutter open, I am doing my best to get her attention. Mum stretches and yawns and rubs her eyes, alright Joy I am coming she says.

Mum gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom, I wonder what the strange trickling noise that sounds like water running, of course mum is on the toilet. I get all excited and jump up and down, waving my arms waiting for mum to pick me up.

Mum picks me up and hugs me close with a kiss on my head and says good morning to me. I smile and gurgle and snuggle in tight to mums warm bed body As she makes to move. Mum doesn't make a sound as she takes me downstairs and places the kettle on the stove whilst i sit patiently in the high chair. My brother Andrew is still sleeping upstairs, mum doesn't know yet but there's a huge hole in his bedroom wall behind his wardrobes, oops! She will not be happy when she finds out. I can't talk properly yet so I won't say owt.

Breakfast, and wash and a clean of my few teeth. what day is it today mum says looking out of the window, how should I know I think, either cold or hot or something in between, mum dresses me accordingly and brushes my hair whilst I wriggle and screech. My brother Andrew awakes and down the stairs he comes in his dressing gown and slippers and a strange box on his chest. I grab it as he gives me a cuddle and I wonder why he has it, perhaps it plays music like mums radio box?

My brother has breakfast, washes and dresses quickly and I sit on the floor playing with my toys waiting for mum to tell us what is happening today.

Mum picks me up and places me in my pushchair and my brother Andrew puts on his big winter coat, which reminds me of Paddington bear.

The front door opens and we go out into the street, mum says good morning to the neighbours we greet.

Brother Andrew holds on to the pushchair as mum walks quickly to the bus stop in town.

We board the bus and wait to get off at near the Hospital and it is always raining as we walk the long drive into the grounds to the hospital reception.

Mum has her best clothes and shoes on and a her smart best coat too.

Brother Andrew keeps scuffing his shoe, mum tells him to stop but he doesn't seem to hear and I want to be anywhere but here!

At the hospital there are toys to play with and other children too, they are older than me and I get bored easily.

Mum gives me a drink and puts me on her lap and tells Andrew to sit still whilst we wait for the doctor to see us. Brother Andrew is swinging his legs, I think he is bored too as there are no cars to play with and the other children are not like him.

We wait to be called into a white airy room the doctor is at a desk and wears glasses, I know what those are because my mum wears them too when she sits and sews at home.

My brother has a chair of his own as I sit with mum on her lap.

They talk grown up talk that I don't understand, my brother looks worried and so does mum.

I glance round the room, no toys in here I think boo! Just a huge metal box with knobs and buttons, ooh! I wonder can I play with that, I say to myself? Then mum and I leave the room leaving my brother behind, not again I think, I want to play and my brother can't.

Then a while later we go back to the room and my brother is sitting waiting for us. The doctor talks with a serious face, oh dear I think, This can't be good! The nurse comes in and puts funny pink stuff in my brothers ears, I want some too, but no not for me. The doctor and nurse finish with us all and we leave the room and head down the hall. Hmmm mum isn't happy I can tell by her face, she seems sad and Andrew is quiet and not himself. What's going on I think?! We leave the hospital and walk back down the drive, the ground is wet and mum isn't right. As we walk, mum silently cries and Andrew my brother holds on to the pushchair tight.