Broken // S.M

Chapter 19

(Warning: Might be triggering to some people!!!)

Cindy's POV:
"Uhm yes actually. Cindy I know you're listening right now and I just wanted to say that you're bringing the best out of me and I love you so much" he said making my heart flutter. I was over the moon with happiness but soon that feeling turned into a miserable and disgusting feeling when I saw all the reactions on Instagram and Twitter. His fans attacked me in the most disgusting way and I couldn't help but cry.

"Why can't they be happy for me and Shawn?" I cried out falling down onto the cold ground.

"What makes them hate me?" I cried even harder. My vision went blurry again from all the tears and I just wish that I could be happy for once. I've been sad and insecure for years and now I finally found someone who genuinely cares about me and people try to ruin that for me too. I kept on scrolling through the comments and tweets and I was overwhelmed with the amount of hate that I got from this. They told me that they would kill me and that I wasn't good enough for Shawn. The worst thing about this is that I'm actually starting to believe that I'm not good enough for Shawn.

"I can't take this anymore."

I ran upstairs and locked myself up in the bathroom.

"You're worthless" I began as I looked at myself in the big mirror.

"You're ugly and a n-nobody" I stuttered as the warm liquid continued to roll down my cheeks. "You're not good enough" I sobbed as I looked deep into my own eyes. My eyes were darker than usual and it was as if the devil was staring right into my eyes. It was scary and to combine that with this whole situation wasn't a good combination. I opened one of the drawers and saw some sleeping pills that were meant to be for Shawn.

"I just wanna sleep and never wake up" I whispered desperately to myself as I opened the bottle. I took the first one in and it wasn't enough and neither was the second one. I grabbed a few more and took them in.

"Why can't I be normal?" I yelled as I hit the mirror with my fist. The glass shattered into a million pieces and my knuckles were bleeding. I opened the second drawer to find a bandage but I found something else instead. I saw a shiny metal. The sharp razor.

"Don't do it Cindy" I told myself trying to change my mind but it didn't work. My fingers grabbed the razor and I held it against my skin.

"I'm sorry for hurting you" I said as I made the first cut into my wrist.

"I'm sorry for disappointing you" I said as another cut appeared on my skin.

"And I'm sorry for not being good enough Shawn" I finally said as I made the last cut. This one was deeper than the other two but I couldn't care less. I wanted to soften the mental pain that I was struggling with. The razor fell out of my hand and I struggled to stand up. I let my body fall onto the ground and the red liquid escaped my body. After a while everything started spinning and I couldn't breathe anymore.

"It's time" I managed to say before everything went black.

-

Shawn's POV:
"Thanks for having me man. It was a pleasure to see you again" I said as I hugged the interviewer.

"Thank you for coming buddy, it's always good to see you! Now go back to your lovely girlfriend I bet she misses you" He teased making me laugh. We said our goodbyes and me and my crew were on our way to the car.

"Shawn c'mon" Jake said as he tried to push me forward.

"Hold up I wanna text Cindy first. I'm a man I can't fucking multi task" I laughed as I stopped walking. After I texted her I didn't get a text back which was weird because she's always on her phone.  I'm getting a little worried right now. She seemed happy when I announced that we were dating so I don't know why she isn't replying to me. Maybe it's nothing but I got this weird feeling in my stomach that something isn't right. There's definitely something up and I'm getting more anxious by the minute.