My Name Is Bucky

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I trudged through the streets, feeling lost and abandoned. I had been drafted in the Second World War. Yes, it's an honor to serve my country, but I was terrified of what lied ahead. How could I leave my only friend, my only family? He had nothing, but I had him. We had each other.

I gently knocked on his door. My new uniform had been firmly pressed and there were no creases to be seen.

"Stevie," I asked gently. "Are you there?" There was no answer. I went to speak again when I heard a crash in the alleyway next to me.

"Not again," I muttered to myself and jogged over.

Of course, a big guy was cornering Steve and absolutely kicking the crap out of him. I grabbed the man and shoved him backwards before punching and kicking him.

"Steve you can't keep doing that. You're gonna give me a heart attack."

"Don't sound so much like a mother," Steve smiled, "you'll wear yourself out." He looked at my uniform and frowned. "They accepted you?"

I wasn't going to let him see how scared I was. Truth is, I had drawn up a will and left all my money to his name. I didn't talk to my sisters since mom died, they didn't talk to me. Steve was family.

"Sergeant Barnes of the 107th," I hid my pain with a smile.

Steve smiled. "Well congratulations, sergeant Barnes."

"Don't start start that with me." I teased and playfully punched his shoulder.

He suddenly hugged me tight. "Don't go."

I squeezed him back. "Never."

****
My bag was hastily thrown on a couch in what could only be called Steve's floor. Tony had made this facility with a floor for each of his team members. I grabbed my journal and made a new section. I wrote down new things that had happened.

Tony had made Steve put a bracelet on my metal arm that would supposedly 'shut it off' if I ever went rogue. Tony didn't trust me much.

Steve hasn't left my side in the week it had taken tony to make what he saw as necessary precautions. I don't think Steve slept much. All I know is that he was always awake to hold me down when I would wake up crazed and thrashing after a nightmare.

"Is it all there?" Steve asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You have all your stuff?"

I nodded and gently closed the notebook.

"Where are all your clothes?" Steve tilted his head and scanned the room.

I shook my head. "Didn't have any."

"I'll get you some."

I shook my head and ran my fingers across the details of the couch. There were embroidered flowers that felt calming to the touch. I turned to Steve.

"Tell me about Bucky." I said quickly.

He had said that he resented how I didn't refer to myself as Bucky. Though, I did not feel like Bucky. I felt like some animal trapped in between buckys life and the winter soldier's life. I may have been Bucky at some point, but Bucky was lost.

Steve's eyebrows furrowed. "You are a caring and sweet guy. You always put others before yourself. You were my protector when we were growing up together. We even lived together at one point, because of your suggestion. We put the couch cushions together, just like we did when we were kids, and we had sleepovers. We were alone but we had each other. And whenever I got sick, which was a lot, you where there without doubt, taking care of me. No matter what I needed, you were there for me. And I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you. All those years when you were alone and confused. I hate myself everyday because of it. It's my fault you fell off of that train. I wasn't quick enough. No matter how I play it in my head I would never have been quick enough," tears had fallen down his cheeks.

I gently grabbed his hand. "Steve, I forgive you."

He look up at me, obviously trying to hide his tears. "Don't. Look what they've done to you," he stared at my metal arm. I put it behind my back. "Bucky, you don't even remember who you are and it's all my fault."

He latched onto me and quietly cried. I flinched at first, but slowly gave into the embrace. I patted his back softly. "It's not your fault. You didn't turn me into the monster I am."

He tended up before shaking his head again. Steve attempted to say something, but cut himself off and hugged me again. I bet he missed this. From what I know and from what he's told me, we were very close. Closer than most people were. We were family, we had a close bond.

The bird knocked on the door before walking into Steve's apartment. "Stev-"

I glared at him, staring daggers into his eyes, while Steve collected himself in my embrace. He sniffled once more and wiled his eyes before turned to the bird.

"Yes?" He said quietly.

The bird looked at me and then Steve. "Tony wants you for a debriefing about a case. Wants you to leave Barnes here."

Steve nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Sam." The other man turned and left, shutting the door behind him.

"Sam," I repeated. Steve looked up at me. "I never knew the bird's name." I said simply.