supine thoughts

Finding Yourself

You're searching for God

in the arms of a pretty Arab boy

with a sense of humour.

He looks like the Disney Prince

you loved as a child.

You hope to your god and his

that he can banish the thoughts

that chain you from heavens gates,

Because you love him, you say,

no matter what he does that makes you weep,

and no matter how little your heart flutters

when he holds you.

He's handsome, yet he doesn't inspire poetry

with his looks or his mind,

and as your heart grows more distant

you find yourself begging for affection

like you're starved of it.

You tell yourself you're expecting too much,

that it won't get better than this,

though the girl you saw on the street

with the vintage dress and the red hair

clings to your thoughts

like her perfume clung to the air.

One day, the boy fucks up

and you know you have to leave,

but your heart has left already,

the moment you realised she thrills you

more than he ever did.

Maybe you won't search for God

in a boy you cannot love.

Maybe you'll search for yourself

in a girl who makes your heart beat so fast

that you can hear chains breaking,

and heaven rushes down to meet you