I'll Get Over The Way You Got Over Me

Chapter 9

Liam feels sort of terrible all day, and there are five different instances when he wants to crawl out of his bunk and find Zayn and curl up against him and apologize for being awful, but he can't, he can't because he was right, about it all. Zayn hadn't meant to upset him, but that didn't make anything better at all. It hadn't changed anything. And even if Zayn did try to change, if he did pay attention to Liam for a bit—that's all it would be. A bit.

Liam would know, the whole time, that Zayn was only doing it out of guilt, out of some sort of misplaced sense of commitment, because he felt like he had to. Not because he'd wanted to, had realized on his own that he missed Liam around, or. But because Liam had told him, and.

And eventually Zayn would forget, again. Eventually they'd fall back into some sort of rhythm of ZaynandLiam again, and then Zayn would forget, and he'd move on, and Liam would be—

So he can't. No matter how much he wants to.

~

Louis sticks his head in about a half-hour before sound check, and he's timid in a way that Louis never is, really. Liam glares at him, half-heartedly, and Louis flinches. "Can I come up?" he asks, softly, and Liam doesn't really want to cuddle with him at all, but he's tired, so he scoots over and lets Louis hoist himself up into the bunk and curl up next to him, their knees knocking together awkwardly in the tiny space. "I didn't know," Louis says, finally.

Liam exhales. "I know," he sighs. He can't quite bring himself to muster up the same hurt and anger towards Louis as he had towards Zayn, but. It's different, he supposes. He's not in love with Louis, for one, and Louis' never claimed that Liam's his best mate, either. "I know, Tommo."

"Tommo?" Louis repeats, a little smile tugging at his lips. "I'm still on nickname basis, then, am I?"

Liam can't help the laugh, and Louis' grin widens, no matter how small and reluctant it is. "S'pose so," Liam allows. "I mean. I'm still angry with you, a little, and. And hurt, too, y'know, but. 's different, with you. You're not—" He sighs, watches Louis' serious, patient face for a moment, and then shrugs his shoulders, awkward in the cramped bunk.

"Because I'm not Zayn," Louis guesses, finally. Liam shrugs again. It's not quite it, really; there's also the bit where Louis never promised him anything, and where Louis' done this before, focused all his attention on one person and then run off to focus on someone else. The thing where Louis gets bored, and they've learned to love it about him, but Liam's not sure how to say it without hurting Louis' feelings. Louis must see it on his face, though, because he laughs a little, soft and trickling. "And because I'm a bit of a friendship slut, yeah. I know. Harold shouted at me about it, once. I dunno what to do about it, though. I don't mean to be."

He makes a face at himself, and Liam shakes his head. "I know you don't," he says, again.

"I'll back off, if y' want me to," Louis offers, quietly. "I wouldn't—I'd never wanna get in between what you and Zayn have, Liam, you have t' know that."

Liam scoffs, can't help it. "Me and Zayn don't have anything," he insists, but it feels a bit hollow. Louis pinches his side, and then holds his breath like he's waiting for Liam to kick him out of his bunk for overstepping a boundary, since they're sort of in a fight, or whatever, but Liam doesn't. He's not really sure why.

"That's shit," Louis tells him, finally. "'course you do. You're Liam and Zayn. You've always—you've always had that little bond, or whatever. Right from the beginning, yeah, and three years later, you're still." He looks at Liam, at Liam's face, and sighs. "I fucked it up, didn't I," he says, flatly. "I'm really sorry, Liam. I really didn't mean to steal him away, or anything. I didn't think—I never bloody do, do I?—but I didn't think it'd change anything, y'know? You and Zayn've always been so bloody stable, like nothing ever really. No matter what else changed, you were always Liam and Zayn. Does that make sense?"

"Not really," Liam says, heart in his throat. "But it doesn't matter anymore, does it. Y' were wrong."

"I'm never wrong," Louis answers, mock affronted, and Liam laughs again, helplessly. He's still angry with Louis, somewhat, but. Louis' apologized, and he knows what Louis' like, and Louis isn't Zayn. That's the most important one, really. Louis softens at the sound. He runs a hand gently down Liam's cheek, over his jaw, until it settles behind his ear, playing with the strands of his hair. "And I'm not wrong about this, either," he says, soft and firm all at once. "You'll see."

Liam is honestly too tired and too upset about it all to keep talking about it, so he closes his eyes and doesn't say anything back.

~