The Mail We Never Sent

[Grace] September 22nd, 2014

September 22nd, 2014

From Grace, To Skylan

It's only when I got to school today that it really hit me. You're not coming back here. You've spent your last day at this school. And I was there. Only I didn't know it was your last day. But you did. You knew you were leaving. And you never said a word.

I want my goodbye. You owe me a goodbye, Skylan.

I saw Talia today. She came up to me and apologized. Also asked a few questions, but that's all. She didn't comment on my lack of fashion sense or my curly untamed hair though. She usually does that. I guess even people like her pity others sometimes.

I told you she didn't like me. Talia Gray will never like me. She didn't sit with me at lunch, nor offer me a spot at her table. I told you she only hung around because she liked you.

She's one of the many people who favorite you over me. You never pointed it out, but we all know it's true. Somehow though, you made me feel like we were equals. Obviously, that's not the case.

Now that you're gone, I realize how lonely I am. You're all I ever had. Do you know that?

I hope you're happy now, because I'm not. It's been a day, Skylan. A day.

And I can't stand it. I'm so mad at you. I don't think I've ever been this angry. It takes up all my energy. I'm so drained. But if I'm not angry, then I'm crying alone in my room. And I don't want to cry over this. I don't want to cry over you.

Because you left me. You chose to leave. Why should I let it cause me all this pain? After all, it was your call.

Your mistake. I hope you regret ever leaving this town. It might be a little, lonely town. But it wasn't really lonely. Because we had each other.

Now I have no one. Knowing you though, you've probably already made friends. Maybe you've already forgotten me. And that makes me want to forget you too.

But I can't forget you.

At night, I dial your old number just to hear the robotic voice tell me that this number is out of service. Sometimes I pretend to hear your voice-mail recording. The one we made together. You were talking nonsense, speaking random words into the phone. And I was giggling crazily in the background.

You changed me. This girl sitting on her bed, writing on a paper with tears pouring out of her eyes, that's not me. I, Grace, am not a sad person. I am not ruined. I do not struggle to get out of bed every day. I do not dread the day ahead.

I am not this girl. I don't want to be this girl. But I became this girl. I hope it's temporary. I hope you come back.

Skylan, you need to come back...