Remembering Shauqina

Chapter 19: Existing

CHAPTER 19: Existing

Oh! Only God knows what agony it was to be sitting in class, trying to look as nonchalant as everybody else, squashing the pain inside me, canning the desire and curiosity to know what had happened. Time seemed to stand still. Very still. I couldn't possibly go to the sick bay because we are not related and it will be fitnah for a girl to be in close proximity with a boy. I was so deep in my misery that I was not aware of Zainal standing outside of my class, asking for the teacher's permission to see me. Startled, I looked past him and was transfixed until Ustaz Zul irritatedly asked me to go out of the class and get whatever business with Zainal over and done with. Zafirah had to prod me before realization dawn on me. A bit sheepishly, I went out the door. Zainal looked down at his feet and I quickly lowered my gaze as well. He handed me a note and without saying anything else, he left.

Hesitantly, I opened up the neatly folded memo paper. I had to back against the wall in order to keep my balance. The cement floor was in danger of meeting my face. Closing my eyes, the note's content flashed vividly in my mind:

'Salam sis. Zak told me to tell you not to worry about him and to pray for his health. Also, he said to tell you – ‘Kama ana mustaq ilaikum '

‘Kama ana mustaq ilaikum,'is Arabic for ' I miss you so much....'. Oh! God! Please make him better! Please let it be a normal ailment, the evil work of some contaminated food, some lost viruses...nothing more serious than that, God...Amin, Ya Rabbal Alamin.

"Ambulance! Ambulance!" shouted some primary boys excitedly. We were on our way to the mosque for our zuhor prayers when the lights from an ambulance caught our attention. From the fourth floor, we looked down, knowing full well who was going to be brought into it. True enough, in no time, two first-aid medics were wheeling the bed back into the ambulance, and I saw the wavy locks of Zak, his face looking ashen underneath the oxygen mask they had put on him. I said silent prayers and was a zombie all throughout that day.