Remembering Shauqina

Chapter 17 : Dismissed

Chapter 17: Dismissed

 It was a sad day for the Student Leaders’ Unit that day. It was a Monday, and we were supposed to be having our usual weekly meeting, discussing the usual mundane issues of rules and regulations, duties and responsibilities, things like that. However, Brother Halim had to make an announcement on that day – an announcement important enough for Mdm Bedah and Mr Naim, our Principal, to be present. The SL Unit was about to dismiss Zak as a member. The somewhat ‘foray’ at the Library was taken seriously by the school. We were lucky that the National Library officers did not proceed with any police reports for in truth, Zak did physically assault that silly boy. Also, we  were lucky that the boy’s parents themselves did not report the incident to the police, for the boy, we were told, had confessed his part in the ‘crime’ and on second thoughts, his parents were generous enough and far-sighted enough to understand that  such news, if leaked to the media, would bring a bad impression on such a religious institution as a madrasah.   

 But the school was not as impassive as the outside world was. Zak had breached not only the Code of Conduct of Student Leaders, but the very fibre of the school’s motto of ‘Strength and Honour’- strength in intelligence and strength in character – always honourable in words and deeds. Being a Student Leader was thus a double curse for Zak. The Tarbiyah Council – the highest Disciplinary body in the school – presided over the incident and the decision, though difficult to arrive at, for Zak was an exemplary Student Leader till that fateful day, was unanimous. He had to be dismissed from the Unit.

 So it was not unexpected to have the usually lively congregration silent and brooding, what more with Zak standing in front, flanked by Brother Halim and his Assistant Head Student Leader, Kamarul. After the formalities of opening doa and recitation of Surah Al-Fatihah, Brother Halim turned to Mr Naim and Mdm Bedah, seating behind the class, who both nodded their heads. 

When he spoke, his voice was measured and solemn.

 “All praises be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds – the Heavens and the Earth, and everthing in between.. Selawat and salam to our dear Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, to his family, to his Companions and to his followers - Assalamualaikum  to my respected teachers, brothers and sisters! I think there has been much conjecture   as to the nature of today’s meeting and I will hold you all no more in speculation. I first must say and stress, that the Student Leader Unit is more than a student’s disciplinary body. In it, are students of the highest intellect in this school, students with the highest sense of responsibility, students who are well respected and I dare say, well admired by others for their loyalty and fierce sense of duty. But I am sure, for me, and for all of us here – the SL Unit has been like a family – we went through ups and downs together – we went through criticisms, advices, re-shuffling of the system together. I would like to think of us here like what Rasulullah s.a.w once said, that we Muslims are so close that if you pinch the right leg, the left leg would feel the pain too. So it is with us…”

 Brother Halim took in a deep breath and I could feel my heart pouning hard. I looked up momentarily at Zak, who was looking down – his face calm, his demeanour unchanged. Brother Halim  continued.

“…And so it is today – that we should feel the pain of having to let go one of our most trusted brother – for the sake of the good of the majority. Punishment, if it is ever meted out in Islam, is always done publicly – so that the punishment served as a recourse to the offender and a reminder to those who witness the punishment. It is our doa that Allah will grant him patience and guide all of us in upholding this amanah which is from HIM. We all make mistakes – you, me – only Allah knows the sins that we have committed – and Allah also put to test those whom HE wish to be at a higher position. Today, the test is on our dear brother Zakaria Zainuddin – tomorrow, who knows? I am confident that you will not isolate him but will still embrace him as one of us…Please forgive him and I myself apologise for any words that might have hurt anybody…”

Brother Halim paused a bit, looked away, took a deep breath again, then said steadily.

“Brother Zakaria, your  tie please.”

  

I saw Zak calmly untying the striped tie, folded it neatly in four, then passed it to Brother Halim. Only Allah knows the commotion going on in my head, my heart – my very being. I felt totally responsible. I saw some girls, including Rahimah,  looking daggers at me. Rahimah’s eyes were red and so were others, I know. Even some boys were coughing, a sure sign of trying hard not to tear.  I was not crying  Why I was not crying did not strike me as odd. My whole being was focused on Zak – I wanted him to be strong and to know, I guess telepathically, that I would always be there if he needed a listening ear. I needed to be strong in order for him to be strong, I guess…

Then Zak did something which took Brother Halim and all of us by surprise. He made a signal to be allowed to speak. Brother Halim, momentarily surprised, looked behind at the teachers, who again nodded their heads. Zak bowed a little to the teachers, then spoke. His voice was soft but audible.

“Assalamualaikum to all! Firstly, syukran to our teachers  for giving me this opportunity to speak. Syukran Brother Halim, for your doa. It goes without saying that  I deeply regretted what I had done.  I am sorry for the tarnish of the SL Unit’s name, that is surely unforgiveable but I hope and pray that with time, the SL Unit will again earn the trust of the students and teachers… I would like to thank all of you for your guidance to me and especially to the teachers…Mdm Bedah, for her continued belief in me, despite all her sternness, I know she has a heart of gold. To Mr Naim, our most respected Principal, I am sorry if I have not lived up to your expectations. Thank you for your belief in me…..”

 He paused, looked down, and when he looked up again, he found my eyes. I know I was red in the face.

“Before I leave, if I may say so, I know some people are blaming Hafeza. Please do not blame her -  for all this was my choice. It was the wrong choice. Whatever is our background, we must not let that become us – what more letting anger over-rides our logical thinking.  And I must face the consequences of that wrong choice. Let this be a lesson on not to be hasty in our actions. Jazakumullahu khairal jaza’ -Please forgive me.”

When Zak walked slowly out of the room, Zainal was already waiting outside of the classroom. I  dare say there was not a dry eye among the ladies, not even Mdm Bedah could hide her red eyes from us. I still wasn't crying. I really wasn't. It was only when I reached the safety of my room, when I replayed how gallantly Zak had defended my honour; how gallantly he had thanked the Unit that had dismissed him; how, knowing his physical abuse from his own father, in his adversity, he could still be positive and not blame others for that – my tears finally fell.