12:02

ASHTON: I should have saved her...

She really was everything to Calum. Wasn’t she… If only he knew the truth. If only they knew the truth. We were all told that to keep us from knowing the truth. Tori’s Mum was the doctor who first saw her in the hospital that day. She told the doctor in charge or Tori to tell us what she thought would give us peace. She didn’t know that I knew otherwise. If they knew what I knew… If they were the ones to find it, how would they cope? Because I sure as hell cannot…

Her funeral was beautiful, four weeks ago. White lilies and blue orchids everywhere. She had a beautiful white casket. I was one of the four people holding it. Her Dad walked in front with her Mum clung to his arm in tears and her little brother gripping onto her dress. Cal and I were at the front of the casket, Michael and Luke behind us. Looking into the crowd of people, hundreds at the least, I saw more than many faces crying. We all sat in the first two rows of the church. She was never a big believer in God, or the higher power but her Mum insisted. I guess, even though she had no hope in life after death, we would still like to think otherwise. Her Mum tried to give a speech but it was hopeless, so my beautiful –Now Girlfriend- Aila, stood up for her and concluded her speech. She then continued to give a ‘speech’ of her own. She brought a guitar up with her and pulled a small, black stool onto the small stage at the front of the stage. Michael brought a microphone up in front of her; she started to strum a melodious and familiar tune. Sarah Mclachlan - In the Arms of the Angel. A song that instantaneously brought tears to everyone’s eyes. I think the thing that I recognize most about this song is that she played it once. We were all in her car driving back from her parent’s lake house. It came on the radio. We all sat in silence and as soon as it was over she spoke up. “I want this song to play at my funeral”
“Tori!” We all shout at her as if she was planning it herself. Luke, Jade, Calum and I were in the car with her. Everyone else was in Michael’s car.

“Actually, I don’t just want it to play. I want Aila to sing it. Will someone remind her?”  I nod silently in the back seat.

“Dude, you’ve still got another seventy or so years to live! And I’m sure as all hell we will all die before you. You’re the healthiest person in this car!” Calum laughs.

“Hey!” Luke gasps from next to me in the back seat. Jade next to him laughs and pats Tori on the shoulder.
“Don’t worry Hun. If you die while I’m still alive I’ll make certain Aila sings that song at your funeral” and with that we all trailed on to talk about what songs each one of us wants played at our funerals. I could see something different in her eyes that day. Something no one else seemed to notice. Something I wasn’t quite certain about, the accident confirmed it all.

After Aila finished singing the beautiful song with tears gushing down her cheeks, I ushered her over to me and hugged her into my chest. This was an emotional day for her, for all of us. I had to stay strong. All I wanted to do was cry, and to shout from the roof tops all that I know, because it’s what Tori would have wanted, but I didn’t. Instead, I comforted my girlfriend, my best mates, and all of her other friends and family. Jade read out a poem about sisters, something that I remember her saying is; “Blood might be thicker than water, but water is forever lasting”. It’s a true point, a true statement. Blood is thick, but water, no matter what will always be there. Like family and friends. Family might be family, they are there no matter what, but that’s only because that exactly, they’re family. They can’t just up and leave when you get into an argument. Whereas friends, they aren’t forced to be there for you, forced to forgive and forget. They choose to, they choose to be with you, by your side no matter what. So in all no sense whatsoever, blood is thick, but water’s thicker.

The funeral ended with a slideshow of beautiful and funny pictures of darling Tori. Her face scattered through the frame of the projector screen over and over. Multiple memories come fading back. I see Cal cry from the corner of my eye and I wrap an arm around him, Michael follows my lead and puts his other arm around Bridget. I use my other hand to grip onto Aila’s. She looks down at it surprised, but I know she was nothing but thankful. Thankful for me, thankful for her friends, but also thankful for Tori. For Tori’s life. We all laugh a little at a photo of Tori when she was about ten, with her face covered in barbeque sauce, and then at another one, this time she was in a pool doing the most failed hand-stand I had ever seen. We look back and forth between each other to share the memories.

Later that day our group of friends went up to the hill by Bridget’s house where we all used to hang out and released seventeen different shaded green and blue balloons. Green and blue were her favorite colors, and she was only seventeen when she died. So we found the number of balloons and colors appropriate. Jade cried at the sight of the balloons floating off into the sunset, Luke comforted her. At that moment a swarm of beautiful blue, morpho butterflies flutters past us and follows the balloons into the sky. Everyone looks happy as amazement fills their eyes.

“She’s at peace now” Luke whispers.

“If only God didn’t have to take her so soon” Mali Sighs… If only they knew…