12:02

BRIDGET: I forgive her..

I sort of feel like it’s my fault she’s gone. I mean don’t get me wrong, she was a great person, always there for me when I needed her. But we fought… A lot. Friends don’t fight… Right? Maybe that’s the thing. Maybe we weren’t friends at all. Maybe she secretly hated me and just put up with me for the sake of the boys, or maybe I’m just over thinking this whole situation. Either way she’s gone. I have one less person in this world looking over me, one less ‘gal-pal’ to have conflicting opinions with about whether or not I should date Michael Clifford. It’s almost as if sometimes Tori, had unauthorized access into the deepest and darkest parts of my mind. She always knew how to twist your words, make you seem like the person who is at fault. I remember this one time last year, just before we were about to graduate from year 11, Tori planted a stink bomb in my twin brother’s bag. It went off during our History class and she blamed the whole thing on me. I got suspended for three weeks, and Mum grounded me for a month. I tried to make them see my side, I really did, but they were convinced I was a feral child, all because of Victoria. All I could think about for the rest of that year, from that day on, was “revenge is sweet, but no-revenge, with the expectancy of it, is even better”. I made her think, all year, that I was going to one day get her back for what she did to me. That I would pull a prank so big that she would get expelled, or suspended for a very long period of time. I guess that’s why I blame myself. Because I never did get the satisfactory of watching her suffer as she waited impatiently for my never starting, and never ending revenge scheme.

I remember getting to school one day. I had everything planned. I was going to make her think that I was going to pull a massive prank of her, she was going to buckle, and that would be the day it would all go down. A few people we both knew were in on it with me. We were waiting outside the office for Tori to arrive through the school gates. We waited, and we waited, and waited some more. Until we had to go to first period. She never showed up for first period. I texted Calum. I asked him where she is as I know she was staying at his house the night before.

“She should be there, she left two and a half hours ago” he replied. And at that point my gut sank and I knew something was wrong. I look over at Jade who was just as worried, and then I look over at Aila and Mali. They both have questionable looks in their eyes. I swallowed every ounce of saliva that was nestled in my throat and asked for a toilet pass. As soon as I did jade knew something was up so she insisted she was busting to go as well. We walked together out of the classroom door and she stopped me as soon as we were out of sight of our classroom.

“What’s going on Bridget? What are you keeping from me? Where’s Tori?” And with that I told her about my plan, the whole scheme to do nothing but make her think we were doing something to drive her insane. Ironically she had also texted Calum to ask where Jade was and she got the same reply. We both looked at each other with fear in our eyes. Aila comes out and runs up to us.

“Guys, what are you doing? Sir is wondering why you’re taking so long” she demands. We came to the conclusion that we are probably just over-reacting about Tori. She is probably just skipping school with Calum but doesn’t want anyone to know so she had him lie for her. We started to make our way back towards the classroom until someone called out our names from behind us. We all jolt our bodies around and see Principal Mendes standing with her hands in her pockets and her head looking down.
“Yes Mrs?” Jade asks with a wide grin. She walks up to us slowly. As she looks up we can see tear stains of clear salty drops traced down her cheeks.

“Oh my goodness. Are you okay Mrs?” I query.

“I’m afraid I have some bad new girls. I need you three, and Mali-Koa to come to my office immediately with your bags” My first thought was that Tori was pulling another sick trick on me again and this was all her planning. We all run back into our classroom grab our bags, and Mali and make our way back to the principal’s office.

“Yes Mrs?” We ask as we walk into her office. She signals for us to take a seat. Calum is there, and My Mum, and Jade’s Mum. Why? I look at my Mum as soon as I walk in the door. I know… I know what they’re about to say and I don’t want to hear it!

“NO…” I scowl at them all. My friends look at me like I’m crazy. “NO!” I shout looking my Mum straight in the eye. Dead into her deep, dark brown eyes. I drop my back pack to the floor. I can feel the flood gates release, and tears come streaming down my face. No, more like gushing, a torrential storm pouring down my cheeks. “I’m not listening to this! NO!” Mum walks up to me and tries to wrap her arms around me constricting my movement. “Let me fucking go!” I scream at a bloodcurdling level with emphasis on the swear word, as I push my Mum away from me with all my might and sprint out of the room and down the corridor to the front of the school. I drop to my knees as random by-passers stop and stare. Throwing my fists to the ground with all my might, the tears continue to tumble down my face. It seemed as if they were never going to end.

To this day it still feels as if I am fighting a constant battle with the tears to keep the flood gates closed. I promised myself I will never cry over Tori again. She wasn’t my best friend, nor will she ever be, but there was something about Victoria that made it impossible for me to ever give up on her. Even in her final moments, I still had hope that one day I would be able to be something more to Tori than just ‘that one girl in the group that doesn’t belong’. I guess I’ll always have hope for that.