Nanny Diaries

Chapter 21 - Ronan

 Hi, everyone. You may have seen my other message, but this chapter is dedicated to Ronan. Taylor Swift wrote a song for the four year old boy, who passed away from cancer. His mother helped Taylor with it. You can hear it in the song, a mother who lost her precious boy. I ask you to please go and listen to it on iTunes or watch the video on YouTube. If you buy it, the money goes to helping cancer. SU2C! Stand up to cancer.

Oh, crap. 

Did he just say that?

Oh, no. 

No. 

NO.

NO!

This cannot happen. 

I’ve never told anyone I’ve loved him before. Not a boyfriend. 

Do I love Zack?

Do I?

Well, do I?

I don’t know. 

I hate myself. 

My arms slip off his neck limply, my heart racing. A baseball size lump of drywall is shoved into my airway. I feel my nose start to tickle and I look at my feet, trying to block out the lights from his surprise for me. 

“I’m sorry.”

My head jerks up so quickly I get whiplash, but I look Zack in the eyes. Searching them, for a trace of insincerity. But there is none. He is truly apologetic. 

I so don’t deserve him. 

“I-I just... can’t-” I start, my voice tripping me like wire. 

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

My throat-ball just gets bigger, so I do the only thing I can think to do. I take his hand and lead him out the door, to the elevator, and back to the apartment. For dinner. 

I cross my arms over the baby bump, tears springing to my eyes. I feel a sob escape my lips, but I cover it with a cough and stare straight ahead, out the windshield of the cab. I recall last time I was in a cab, when the creepy driver looked over me like I was prize piece of meat. I shiver, the sob dissolving in my throat. 

“I shouldn’t have done this. I know we aren’t forever.” Zack says. His voice cracks partway through, and when I dare a glance at his face, he’s blazing a hole in the window. 

I try to form words, but I just end up like a beached whale. So I snap my mouth shut and fix my eyes ahead again. 

.  .  .

“We’re back.” I say, my small voice echoing through the apartment. I hear the back doors are still open, a cool wind hits my flushed face. I stare at the floor, my eyes tracing the hardwood strips. 

“Lauren?” George’s voice comes from the kitchen. 

Zack follows me, and I swallow the last of my tears. I rub my eyes, trying to appear normal. Truth is, I feel like I’m going to be sick. 

“George?”

I open the door, spying him by the fridge, the landline is his hands. I notice that his knuckles are white before I notice the tear streaks down his face. 

“George? What’s wrong?” I squeak. 

“They went to the emergency room. It’s Matt.” he says. 

I close my eyes against the torrent of fear, anger and sheer sorrow that slaps me in the face. No. Don’t do this to me. 

“No.” I cry as I burst into tears. My legs wobble, and I feel my eyes start to slide shut. 

By now, the sensation of Zack’s arms catching me is almost numbing. He helps me back up onto my feet. 

“Zack!” 

“I know. I know.” he says, cradling me in his arms. I bury my face in his chest, sobbing my guts out. At least, that’s what it felt like. 

Please God, don’t let me lose someone else. Whatever is wrong with him, don’t let it take him. I’ll go crazy! I love him!

I plant the palms of my hands onto my temples, trying to block out the world. This can’t be happening. No way, no how. 

Not.

Going. 

To. 

Happen.

“I’m going to lay her down. She needs some rest.”

“No! Take me to the emergency room!” I cry.

George and Zack exchange a look and fire ignites in my chest. I pound my fist on the table, rage taking over.

“Don’t treat me like a fragile child! I’m an adult and I’m going to be there for my little boy! For my son!” I shout. I realize what I said, but I don’t care. Matt is mine as far as I’m concerned.

They look at each other again, and George starts talking, but I cut him off. I know I’m not going to like what he was planning on saying. 

“Fine. I’ll get there myself.” I spat, before turning on my heel and marching out of the kitchen. 

I’ll get there, Matt. 

What did you think? What's wrong with Matt? Please comment, vote and go listen to Ronan on iTunes or YouTube. 

Until next time,

clarissacamille15