Held Captive (Harry Styles)

Se.xual urges

“You can’t avoid me forever,” his voice wafted through the thin bathroom doors. I chewed roughly on my lip, hoping that the pain would provide a sufficient enough distraction. It didn’t and I ended up chewing through part of my lip entirely. Eventually, I decided to leave the bathroom, my hair in a frizzy mess and my lip now swollen and beginning to bruise. “What happened yesterday?” he asked, giving me a once over. “Shit, did I do that to you?” Harry traced his fingers across the tear in my lip. I flinched away from him, avoiding his gaze as I walked to the other side of the room to put some distance between us.

“I don’t know what’s happening here, Harry. Sometimes I feel like all it is, is just you teaching me how to do things that I would otherwise be inept at; and sometimes I feel like you take it too far and you don’t stop when I ask you to, which makes me feel uncomfortable,” I mumbled, stumbling over my words as my heart beat picked up. I was never one for confronting my emotions, much less sharing them with other people. Harry frowned as he watched me, guilt flashing in his eyes.

“I’m not trying to use you, Nadia… I thought it was what you wanted. I’ll stop if you ask me to, I’m sorry,” he mumbled, coming closer to me. I wanted to turn around and run away, but there was something trustworthy in his jade eyes that made me stay.

Something about Harry drew me in, but I also knew that he was dangerous and most likely bad for me. He was alluring, mysterious, and made me feel safe. Most of the time. I enjoyed the feeling of comfort I got whenever I was with him, but then he’d take it too far and it felt too dangerous and too familiar. It made me want to push him away and distance myself from the danger, because it was a reminder of what happened before I met him.

“Nadia, say something…” I didn’t realize that Harry had wrapped his arms around my waist, until he spoke. I breathed deeply as I stood my ground, not letting myself slump against him and search for the comfort that I knew he could provide.

“I’m not sure what this is…” I mumbled, playing with the seam of his shirt.

“It’s a hundred percent cotton,” Harry responded, smoothing his hand over his shirt. A smile broke through the distress on my face as I looked up at him.

“Be serious, Harry,” I murmured, lowering my eyes back down to the edge of his shirt, to distract me from everything else.

“You’re thinking too much, Nadia. I’m just trying to show you what you don’t already know about yourself. I’m sorry if I took it too far and I’ll listen to you from now on, but you need to stop over thinking everything. It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. People do this kind of stuff all the time-”

“Yes but I don’t! I’m not that kind of person. I’m not normal. I’m not comfortable being touched and I’m not good at making friends. I’m don’t show emotion and I do weird things. Like sometimes I talk to myself and sometimes I just keep repeating the same word because I find it funny, like falafel. I’m weird and it’s not in a good way. I’m notgood for you, Harry.  We’re two completely different people and I don’t think that whatever this is, between us, is a good idea,” I paused to take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down as I finished spewing my stream of consciousness. Harry smiled, before tapping my nose lightly with his forefinger.

“You’re right, falafel is a funny word to say,” he murmured, placing a kiss against my forehead. I frowned, pulling away from him.

“Look, I know that you’re trying to be my friend and my teacher at the same time, but you need to pick one. I can’t handle this kind of complex relationship, as ridiculous as that may seem. I have definitive categories for everyone and I force people into the separate boxes into my mind. You have to choose which box you’re going to fit into Harry, because I can’t have you in both the ‘platonic tutor’ and ‘sort-of friend’ categories at the same time,” I insisted.