Ye Booty

SOMETHING FISHY

I walked downstairs with a barely alive face on as my bizzare dreams stole the rest sleep is supposed to provide.

The scene that greeted my groggy eyes would have seemed like chaos had broken loose to most people. But I was used to it. My little sister Angie is being spoon fed with the classic open up for the choo choo line.

She sees my sleepcaked face and shrieked "AL AL " bouncing up and down in her high chair. This action led to sprayed bananas on my mother who looked very done at the moment  daily antics. 

She turned to me and said exhaustedly "good morning alexcakes". *groan* "I told you to stop calling me that".  She stayed turned around facing me.

Big mistake. 

Angie tossed the bowl of banana stuff directly at the back of my poor mothers blonde curls. She visibly cringed and tightened for a moment. "Hey Alex, can you watch her after school today? I have book club."

Ah the Monday night tradition of me watching the devil child and doing my stacks of homework. High School sucks.

"Sure." I sigh back as I sort through our sugary cereal collection.  I pull out the Frosted Mini Wheats and pour a large heaping into a baseball themed bowl. I reach for the fridge handle and my action is cut halfway through by her voice "Oh! And dream a bit quieter pineapple boy", she winked knowingly at my blatantly shocked face.

○●○●○●○●

  I eat the soggy wheat squares with my face turned down lost in thoughts. Brittany. Homework. Chris.  Angie.  Baseball. Brittany again.

I look up, suprised, when the bus honks at me. Angie giggles and goes "Beep BEEEP" clearly amused with herself. I left my mom to deal with her after draining my milk and shouting "I love you mom cya later" "Later honey love you".

I swung my heavy backpack over my shoulder and sprinted to my bus. I walked down the aisle and sat down next to Chris my best friend since third grade and asked him the age old question "sup?" and leaned back against the stiff green material.

He informed me of the newest rumor about Brittany.  "She has ANOTHER std probably from Derek" he informs me. Brittany and Derek is old news and sadly so are her diseases. It only made sense though, cheer captain, football player. "They say if you stand anywhere near her you can smell fish" he continued wrinkling his nose in disgust. "But she's still banging hot" I argue. "Duh." he and I are just a small few of the seemingly hundreds of boys who are head over heels for her.

                    *in homeroom*

My seat is right next to her, something I've been proud of the whole year. Except today.  She did smell like fish.

She must have noticed my tenseness and gag that I thought was quiet.  Whoops. She snapped her body around to face me her pitch black hair swishes in her ponytail at the top of het head and crossed her arms. "Yeah. I know what you're thinking. 'Oh' " she does a high pitched voice to mock me 'that WHORE cheerleader got another one. Let's make fun of her without any actual facts because I'm so swag yolo I bet she doesn't have any feelings'  finished and uncrossed her arms and folded them on her desk with her head on top. "Well I do." she said with tears in her eyes and a knot in her throat.

"And I don't understand" she choked out. "I'm still a virgin. What would" she whimpered "I" she sniffled some more. "be doing with something like that??" As soon as she realized what she had said her head flew up from its resting position and the blood drained from her angelic face. She snapped towards me again. "You.  Heard. Nothing."

I was still very confused on how the biggest slut was still a virgin but J nodded, aiming for sympathy.  She choked on a sob and whispered "It's all lies. Filthy filthy filthy lies." I was stunned. Too much info at once. "Then..why...do..you...well you um..stink." I stuttered out scared she would smack me. 

She groaned clearly sick of the question. "These" she stopped, looking for the right words. "Pirates.  They had a bucket of fish oil. And then it was all over me. I took 3 showers Alex. Three. And people assumed...THAT." And broke down again. Wow. Pirates. Brittany in a shower.  But pirates?  She knew my name?! Brittany in a shower. Again. 

Finally I mustered up the courage to ask "like Captain Hook?" She nodded silently. Um this girl has issues.  I meekly offered to walk her home after school In case they are back. "Thanks." she replied. She told me that Derek wouldn't like it but then "Never mind. Derek is an ass. I don't care what he thinks. He blamed the smell on me and and some other guy, didn't even ask." "I'm glad there are still guys like you Alex."

I sat there for who knows how long in an awed silence. This couldn't be happening.  Me. The girl of my dreams. Walking. To-fucking-gether. Pirates. I was lost in thought and wonder as the bell goes off signaling the start of math. Ugh. She called over her shoulder "Bye Alex!" OH my god.

I floated through math and the boring history class after. I drifted on a cloud to lunch. Me. On a cloud. A high school basketballer on a fluffy cloud. What has the world come to?