crown | b.blake | 5

2.

"The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It's always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do.
― Tahereh Mafi

2.

2 months after primfaya

I never thought I'd miss it. Space. The endless void of bright balls of gas and the moon. The moon was an old friend. Sure, it was always there, but being this close again brought a sense of nostalgia. Although, space feels empty and quite, I felt comfort in it when I use to find helplessness in it. The only comfort that I could really receive to stable myself was looking at the moon from the window wall facing it.

I take a look over at earth, a dead earth that holds dead people and dead memories. I look back to the moon to steady myself again.

It's been two months since we left earth, since we left our friends and family. It's been two months since Jasper. Every once in awhile I'd find myself wanting to look over at him when Monty said something nerdy or made a really bad joke, but when I'd look he wouldn't be there. When we had time to settle in after we got the oxygen going and the algae farm running, that's when everything started to creep in. The reality of it all.

That's when Jasper being gone hit me hard. He wasn't here with us, cringing at the first taste of Monty's algae or playing stupid games we made up to get over our boredom. He was a brother and the greatest friend I could have asked for. Now that he's gone it feels like a part of me is too.

"Hey, T. We missed you at dinner." I turn my head to see Monty. He walks over and sits down next to me, I look back out the window.

"Not hungry." It was technically true, I had already had algae for lunch but I wasn't feeling up for dinner.

"Yeah, but you know the rules. We always eat together no matter what."

"Monty, I'm not in the mood." I sigh.

"You're never in the mood. I'm just worried about you, Taylor. We all are." I roll my eyes at his words. I miss one or two dinners and suddenly I'm a concern.

"Monty, please just leave me alone."

"No, you barely talk to the group when we're together. You barely talk to me. I want to help you."

"There's nothing to help, Monty. Can I not be sad? Why am I always the one who has to be strong all the time? Why do I get that burden?" I finally look at him raising my voice slightly. He looks taken back but he sighs.

"I know you miss your dad and our friends but-"

"You think this is because I miss them? Of course I do, but they're safe right now in the bunker. You know who I miss, Monty? Jasper. You remember him don't you?" The words tasted bitter coming from my mouth but I couldn't help it.

"Woah, that's not fair. He was my best friend too." He looks hurt and I have to look away.

"Then why aren't you upset?"

"What makes you think I'm not upset? I think about him everyday and I miss him everyday but guess what, Taylor? He's gone and he's never coming back. There's nothing I can do about that and there's nothing you can do either so we have to just bear it."

"Maybe he was right...this isn't living, this is just surviving." A tear slides down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away despite him noticing.

"Don't say that." He sighs, "Taylor, how do you think Bellamy's feeling? He just wants to help you too and you're pushing him away."