Through My Eyes

Chapter 8

I was sitting in another group therapy session, staring blindly at the wall.  I think I had applied chapstick on my lips fifteen times since I'd been here.  I honestly could not wait to get out of here.  For some reason tonight, the whole group was grating on my nerves and I'd had enough.

I stood up and faced the therapist.  "I'm sorry, but I need to leave early tonight.  I just remembered something I have to do."

I bent over to pick up my purse and headed for the door.  As I shut it behind me, I heard my name being called out.  I groaned and turned around, facing the therapist.  What's her name again?

"Crystal, what's going on dear?  You know it's a no-no to leave a group session early unless cleared by me beforehand."  She looked at me with a mixture of annoyance and sympathy.  I wanted to scratch her eyes out.

"Well I'm sorry ma'am but like I said, I just remembered something.  I really need to go."  I motioned my head to the door to let her know I was serious.  She didn't seem to care though, for she kept talking.

"Well I'm sorry we seem to be hindering your plans but I'd appreciate it if next time, you could alert me beforehand so I can handle your departure appropriately with the group.  You're not the only one in there who's suffered.  You might want to remember that."  With that she sashayed back into the room and shut the door.

Blowing my bangs out of my eyes, I stomped to the stairs and marched down to the parking lot.  Who does she think she is?, I yelled in my head.  How dare she treat me like that!  I unlocked my car, shoved my stuff inside, and got in.

I drove out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell and turned towards my house.  Sure, I totally lied about needing to be somewhere but if I had to hear one more sob story I was going to scream.  Yes, we were all victimized, but how is talking about it with each other going to make it better?

As I got closer to my house, I decided home is definitely not where I wanted to be.   I checked my blindspot and immediately switched lanes to go somewhere else.  Where, I had no idea.

I drove around not really caring where I was going.  I passed a few hang outs I considered going to but nixed it when I realized that would require being social.  When I had to stop at a red light, I took a look around my surroundings.  I was surprised to see that I was in Mark's neighborhood.  Deciding to take it as a sign, I turned towards his house and stopped in front.  I got out of the car and walked to his front door before I lost my courage.

Forcing myself to push the doorbell, I stood there waiting.  I heard his dog barking and figured someone would answer soon.  But a minute later, no one had come so I pushed the doorbell one more time.  Deciding that in fact, no one was home, I turned to leave.  As I got to the last step of the porch, the door opened and I turned.  His eyes grew big at the sight of me then he called out my name.

"Crystal?  Hi.  What are you doing here?"

I climbed the steps again and stood before him.  "Um, I'm not really sure.  I just found myself here after driving around for a while.  I hope that's okay."

He smiled at me and grabbed my hand.  "Of course it's okay, it's better than okay.  Do you want to come in?"

"Would it be okay if we just sat out here on your porch?"

"Of course.  C'mere."

He led me to the little table and chairs that were on the porch and we sat down.  He couldn't stop smiling at me and because of that, I found I couldn't stop smiling at him.  

For the first time since the attack, I found I actually wanted to be close to Mark, both physically and mentally.  He'd stayed by my side throughout it all.  I don't know what I did to deserve him but I was finally realizing how lucky I was.