Tales of Infinity 1: Sorrow and Sacrifice

Chapter 2: Pizza Time (ft. the entire band of Linkin Park)

"Y'know, man, I like hate it when it does this..." Shaggy mumbled as he lifted a slice of pizza, watching all the melted cheese get stuck to the plate and start to fall off the pizza. Donkey nodded in agreement, putting a hoof down on the pile of melted cheese on the plate. All the cheese immediately fell off the pizza, causing Shaggy to groan in annoyance. "C'mon, man!"

Thanos had already consumed two pizzas on his own, and was currently standing at the window, staring out it. Shrek was wolfing down a second pizza while Donkey stared at him. Scooby Doo was just sitting and watching the band that was playing inside the Pizza Hut for some reason. Well, it was Linkin Park anyway. Apparently they weren't getting that many gigs anymore, so they just had to resort to pizza franchises.

Shaggy ate what was left of his pizza slice, as screams of "I TRIED SO HARD AND GOT SO FAR, BUT IN THE EEEEEEND...IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER!" filled the otherwise empty restaurant.

"Shrek." Thanos looked over at the ogre. He'd waited until Shrek had finished shoving the pizza down his throat before addressing him. "Aye, laddeh?" Shrek asked with a loud burp. Thanos stepped closer, putting his hand over Shrek's. "Shrek, I...I have feelings for you."

"Are you really gonna propose to Shrek in a Pizza Hut?" Donkey interrupted, trotting between the two of them. Shrek's eyes were wide in surprise as he looked up at Thanos. "Laddeh, yer commitin' to a lot right now."

"I know, Shrek, but I..." Thanos trailed off, and before he was able to pick up his sentence again, there was a scream of terror. He instinctively looked over at the tiny stage, a little confused, but it didn't appear to be the edgy rap/nu metal/rock/electronic/whatever the hell band. Instead, the person who screamed ran out from behind the counter, diving under a table. There were thunderous footsteps, and Thanos watched as a giant, mutant creature with spiderish legs, a cat-like face, and a long tongue crushed the counter. "Jón͟ ̷wher̛e̛ ̷i͢s ͝m͞y̧ ͝l̵a̢s̕a͢g͝na?"

The guy who Thanos assumed was Jon screamed again, clutching onto the leg of the table. The monster turned its eyes to him, smiling. It skittered over and lifted the table up, Jon still hanging onto it. The creature opened its mouth, tongue licking the table. "I'̛ve̷ h́ea͜rd ̶hu͘ḿa̡n͡ś ̢tast̵e͜ ̢l͞ik͘e ̷l̨as͘agn͠a͜~"

Jon screamed in terror as he was shaken off the table and swallowed whole. The monster gulped, then turned its smirk to Thanos. "P͠urp͝le̛ l͢as͢a͠gn̡a̵~͏"

Thanos immediately snapped, only to recoil in shock as he saw his Infinity Gauntlet was missing again. Looking up at the beast lumbering over him, he saw Shaggy riding on its back, the Infinity Gauntlet on his arm. Shaggy smirked, pulling the reins that were connected to its muzzle. "Like, why'd you have to get between me and Shrek, man?"

"WHAT?!" Thanos screamed. Shaggy was in love with Shrek too?!

"Yes," Shaggy said, as if he had just read the previous sentence.

"WHY DID YOU IMPALE HIM THEN?!"

"Shut the hell up," Shaggy grumbled. "This is just a stupid fanfiction - it's not supposed to, like, make sense. Just go with it, man." He pulled the reins back, and the beast gave a roar, arching up on its rear legs. "Like, get him, Garfield!"

Scooby Doo yelped and hid under a table, Donkey following him. Linkin Park had started to play Crawling, still apparently oblivious to the beast that was Garfield.

"CRAAAAAWWWWLING INNNN MY SKIIIIIINNNNN!!"

That was all Thanos could hear as Garfield brought down a giant leg, ready to crush him. He closed his eyes, already accepting his imminent death.

"AYE YOU LEAVE THAT LADDEH ALONE!"

Garfield was suddenly shoved through the window, sending shattering glass everywhere. Shaggy yelled and fell off Garfield. Thanos stood and watched as Shrek saved his life, jumping on top of Garfield and pummeling him 6 feet underground. Literally. Because that's how mafia works.

When Shrek was done, he tipped his fedora and walked back over to Thanos. The purple man felt his face heat up with a blush. "Y-You saved me..."

"Just doing my job, laddeh." Shrek gave another tip of his fedora. Thanos grabbed the ogre's shoulders, which earned him a confused look. "Shrek, please. I need to be with you."

Shrek gave a long sigh. "Laddeh...I'm sorry." He looked up at Thanos sympathetically. "I got a wife and kids, ye know. And we did just meet this morning, when ye trespassed in me swamp!" He shook his head. "Sorry, laddeh. I should get home and check on the kids, anyway, before Fiona takes them again." He turned around and started to pick his way through the broken glass.

Thanos stared at him, feeling his soul break inside him as he watched Shrek go. He stood there, unable to move. It felt like someone had just pulled out his heart, held onto it like a hand grenade, stomped on it, and then shoved it back into his chest in a sorry attempt to fill the void. He was in too much pain to even cry; the tears welled in his eyes, but wouldn't fall.

"Like, whoa, man..." Shaggy walked over to Thanos, watching Shrek and Donkey walk away; Donkey had trotted after him upon noticing him leave. "Er...sorry." He scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Uh, I should, like, get home too...see ya, man." He turned around and walked hurriedly off with Scooby, leaving Thanos standing in the destroyed Pizza Hut, with a mutilated Garfield monster outside and Linkin Park still playing. Appropriately, they were playing Valentine's Day.

Thanos blinked slowly, trying to breathe through the pain of the heartbreak. He wiped his eyes, then turned and left the Pizza Hut. Despite the fresh air and sunny weather, he knew his heart would never stop aching for Shrek.