Lacey // (The 1975 / Matty Healy fanfiction)

// C H A P T E R T H I R T E E N //

Lacey was fidgeting in the passenger seat of the van with Matty driving next to her, a cigarette dangling from his lips as usual. The streets of Edinburgh flew past her, with lights lighting up the windows every now and then, allowing a short glimpse into the everyday lives of strangers. She thought about how crazy the whole concept of her being there was: she was in a foreign place on tour with a band she had barely even heard of and slowly falling in love with a guy who dressed in black from head to toe. If anyone had told her two weeks ago that she would be in Edinburgh on a cold autumn night about to go skinny dipping with a man who had long hair and wore skinny jeans, she would have simply laughed at them. It was crazy how far she had come in those few days with Matty and the guys. Instead of judging people and circumstances as soon as she saw them, she noticed how she actually wondered more about who those people actually were or what exactly was going on. She wondered what others thought when they got a quick glance into her life. The strangers that had walked past Matty and her holding hands on the way to Edinburgh Castle, the teenage girls who looked at her incredulously when she got to go backstage after the concert, the occasional shared eye contact with the passengers of the cars next to them – who did they see when they looked at her? Did they see the Lacey that liked to stay in her comfort zone and work towards her future, without really knowing where to go? Or did they see Lace, who might also not know where she was going tomorrow, but who didn’t even worry about that, because she lived life in the present?

“What are you thinking about?” Matty asked as he stole a quick glance at her before looking back at the road.

She shook her head, not really knowing how to explain her train of thoughts, instead asking, “What do you see when you look at me?”

He was taken aback by the question, but quickly caught himself, “I see someone who knows what she wants, but is too scared to act on it out of fear of rejection.”

Lacey bit her lip, thinking back to the conversation she had shared with Ella just moments before. She had told herself she would not sit back and wait for Matty to approach her tonight. Instead, she wanted to take the initiative for once, to actually go for what she wanted. Even though she knew that that was exactly what he wanted to see from her as well, she still couldn’t quiet down the old Lacey that screamed inside her head that it all could go horribly wrong.

Sensing her sudden nervousness, Matty put his hand on her thigh, stroking it lightly, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” She mumbled, then repeated it a bit louder, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking about what you said, I guess.”

He looked over at her with concern, “Did I offend you with that?”

She immediately shook her head, “No, you didn’t. I was actually thinking about how you had a point there.”

He raised his eyebrows, surprised, “You agree with me?”

“I do.” She simply said.

“Why don’t you try and change it then?” He asked, then looked over at her quickly, “It seems like you don’t like it, or am I wrong?”

She sighed, leaning her head back against the seat’s headrest, “Like you said – fear of rejection.”

They were at a red light now and he suddenly grabbed her chin, turning her head towards his, “Who cares about rejection?” He muttered, staring at her lips then back at her eyes, “Of course, it sucks but imagine what the outcome might be if you don’t get rejected. I’d say that’s worth the risk.”

With that he brushed his lips against hers lightly, a touch so soft and simple but at the same time so intense that it sent shivers up her spine. Before she even had the chance to lean into him, he moved his mouth towards her ear, whispering, “Don’t hold back, Lace.”