Stella's Cafe: A Jang Geun Suk Fanfic

7. Coffee Addict

It's been so long. Many things have happened, especially with our idol.

Since my last chapter he's shot a whole new series (MMM), done FMs and even recorded an album!!

This chapter is a special gift to my SeOul Sister whose birthday is today, March 22nd! Incidentally she is also my chief cheerleader/slavedriver on this fic so I definitely had to celebrate by writing! Korin sis! Saeng il chukka hamnida! ^0^v

I missed him so much.

More than anything I'd ever missed in my life - it surprised me how much. There was no point pretending to myself. I had become completely addicted to him.

What a stupid thing to do.

Just a short time ago, I was happy just to see a picture of him in a magazine. Satisfied.

Now I was completely crushed because for him, work had started in earnest and seeing him - warm, smiling, gorgeous and real - was completely out of the question. Had been out of the question for months.

Even the funny little texts that used to come about three times a week had trickled to a stop once his punishing schedule had kicked in. There was just no time. I knew from past web stalkings that in his profession, once a schedule began, spare moments were usually spent passed out in dressing room couches or in the back seats of crew vans.

I wished knowing that made it easier. Wished it stopped me from falling asleep staring at my phone every night.

What a mess.

I don't even know where I found the guts to let myself become this way over a celebrity. Talk about a hopeless situation. I could never know why someone like him showed any interest in me for the time that he did, but now he was back in the world he belonged to. A world inhabited by other stars and well - really important people, not coffee servers saving to get into school. This was the way it was supposed to be. No matter how much I wished differently.

The worst of it was even if I tried not to think about him, because he was doing so much work, his images were every where. He smiled out at me from snack and drink ads. He smoldered at me from clothing and electronic ads, making my stomach jump. He twisted my heart with beautiful, serious eyes in public service announcements. His hair - black, then brown, then slightly reddish brown - was growing longer.

At the cafe if the TV was on and he suddenly appeared on it in an ad or an appearance that the media had covered, I paled. If anyone made a comment about him, I blushed as if they knew how he was my every waking thought.

Time went by. Weeks then months. I didn't know if he would remember me at all. Now he was back in his world, I didn't think he would.

I did try to put myself on a media black out a few times. I would try to follow up on other idols I liked and listen to my favorite groups, but it never lasted long. I always found myself crawling back to the fan portals searching for "bait," the personal messages and photos he left exclusively for his beloved Jangeos. I watched behind the scenes videos over and over again just to see him being himself and to hear his voice, comparing it to my memories of him.

And those memories...they were turning into a kind of prison. Sometimes at work I felt like I was standing in the middle of a time lapse video with everyone rushing around me while I moved in slow motion, lost in a sudden remembrance of one of his looks or smiles or the feeling of my hand folded in his.

Why couldn't I just be grateful for those experiences and let them go? Wasn't that what I'd promised myself I would do?

I don't know how much longer I would have gone on like that. Probably not much longer. Boss nim and my supervisor had started having hushed conversations in the back while giving me concerned glances. Despite my best efforts - making sure to remember to answer people when they spoke to me - it was obvious they thought something was wrong. Were they thinking of letting me go? Hiring someone a little more cheerful and focused to replace me?