Woman

June 03

Dear Diary,

June 03

Noel is beautiful. Sometimes, I wish he was mine. I bet sometimes his parents wished he was thiers too. Diary, don't tell anyone this but he's my brother; my father's son,.

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By the time I had stopped the car, Noel was still asleep. He would spend three weeks with me, then return to his parents for the remainder of summer. At the end of August, he would come back to California and enroll in school here. His parents were weak; they couldn't care for him like I could.

I looked back at the small plastic bag in the back seat and shivered a bit before reaching for it. I looked over at Noel and smiled at him, rubbing my hand through his curly locks of hair. He was so beautiful, he always had been.

"Noel," I shook him gently, "Noel, wake up." Slowly he opened his eyes, he never had been a heavy sleeper.

"We here already?" He rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah," I nodded, "Let's go inside." He pulled his hoodie over his head, and even though we were in a good neighborhood, it scared me a bit. Some people looked for any opportunity to kill a black man. He opened the door and I followed suit, walking up to the house, plastic bag in hand. I turned around briefly to press the button on the key that locked the door.

We opened the door to the house with the key that I had because I stay here now, so does Noel. Following the noise, we walked into the living room. Everyone was there; Momma, Daddy, Assyria and her kids and AJ and Traya. They didn't even look at us because their eyes were glued to the television. Noel and I found a seat anywhere we could.

We were watching the news, currently following the shooting of Michael Brown. They showed angry protesters and the way the police dealt with them. Assyria held a protective hand around her two boys, crying silently. Daddy watched quietly, shaking his head. Momma stared solemnly, hands clasped in prayer.

But it was Traya and AJ's reaction that caught me the most. They put one hand on Traya's now slightly protruding stomach as they held each-other's hands lovingly. They were both crying and I had never seen AJ crying.

"What's wrong Traya?" I asked, her crying now causing me to cry, making my words come out slightly muffled.

She turned to me, eyes red, face puffy. "We're having a boy," she stuttered out softly, and as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she cried more. Her words hit me, and apparently it hit the rest of the family as well, they all stopped and stared at her.

"How can I bring a boy into a world like this," she shouted angrily. "How can I bring a boy into a world where he's going to be hated for being a black man! How can I tell my baby, 'Be safe', when he gets older and goes out, knowing damn well that's not up to him or me?" She broke down. "How, huh? How?"

Assyria stooped down to her level, anger clearly evident in her eyes. She held Traya's face with one hand and raised the other hand to slap her. It happened in slow motion to me, then the sound of a hand hitting skin was sounded off. Traya held her face, crying, more in pain.

Assyria stood up. "You think you the only woman that's thinking like that now?" Her tears grow stronger. "Look at my babies," she points at them, "I got two to worry about, two! The other day a nanny told me they couldn't take care of my kids because their hair was in an afro. And she was black! It's a damn shame racism still goes on amongst the black community. But let me tell you," she chuckled heartlessly, "I never slapped a bitch so hard in my life!"

Assyria shook in anger. "You here stressing about your unborn. Girl," her teeth clench, "you ain't the only one! Black women been doing this for centuries and let me tell you, it ain't never gonna be easy. But what you do is, look out for your own and fight for everybody elses." She shook her head, face wet, eyes slit, fist balled. "This shit ain't gon' change over night. Good things come slow."