Like It Was Yesterday

Part Four

I was sitting in my room watching TV when it started to feel colder. I tried to ignore it, but it kind of felt like someone was watching me. I looked around the room and saw nothing. Outside it was dark and I couldn’t really see out the window that well, which was kind of creepy.

I’ve felt like I was being watched before too. Not just recently. That’s why at first I thought I was just being paranoid. Who knows, maybe I was, but it didn’t feel like it. It was just too weird.

That night I went to bed and had another dream about Iliana. This time we were in the band room with the rest of the class and she was sitting with a group of girls talking to them. I couldn’t help but get really jealous, so I decided to walk over there and try to talk to her. I couldn’t. It seemed like I was invisible to her. I tried to say something, but I couldn’t even hear myself talking, and I guess that meant she couldn’t either, because she didn’t even look up at me once. I sat down next to her where there wasn’t already a color guard girl sitting and continued to wonder why she didn’t seem to notice. A few minutes later Ashleigh walked in and sat down on the other side of her. Iliana did notice her, and automatically she put her arm around Ashleigh when she sat down. That I couldn’t stand, and before I knew it, I was awake and sitting up completely pissed off. How could my best friend be stealing my crush in my dreams? That was just messed up.

-

I was sitting in 3rd hour thinking about that dream still and trying to work on my picture when Iliana walked over to get something out of her bag, which I purposely sat right next to, because she put it on the steps by the door today. My favorite thing about sitting there was that her jacket was there too and since she wore it a lot it smelled just like her. As much as I wanted to lean over and hug it I realized people would probably think I was nuts, and knowing my luck, she’d walk by and be like “What the hell are you going?” Then what would I say? Geez… maybe I was nuts after all for even thinking about it.

It was always weird being so close to her. Last year I rarely ever got to see her, and if I did, it was usually from far away. Now I was seeing her every day during 3rd hour. I still felt really empty inside every time she left though, like she wasn’t even there in the first place. It felt as though I was only imagining everything. Like I wasn’t really seeing her even though I knew I was. I hated that feeling, and I didn’t know why it wouldn’t go away.

 I looked over and noticed she was no longer wearing the necklace she always wore. Now she had a different one. I looked down at mine feeling sad. The one she had was the real version of mine. I mostly wore it because it reminded me of her. She gave it to me back in middle school, along with other things she gave to the people that came to her birthday. She was nice like that. She gave to people when most of them would have expected she would only be wanting to get stuff on that day.

It just wasn’t the same now that she wasn’t wearing hers though. I don’t know why I never noticed it before that day. I sighed and pushed the thought aside. What could I really do?

“Something wrong?”

I looked up to see David standing in front of me. He looked concerned.

“No, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something. I noticed she isn’t wearing that necklace anymore, the one that matches mine.”

“I see…”

“You don’t get it… I always liked that she did because… I don’t know. I just did. But now… now she has a different one.”

“It’s okay… I’m sure you’ll forget about it later.”

As nice as David was to talk to he never quite understood how things were for me. To him everything always seemed so easy. Like talking to the person he likes, getting over liking someone, doing homework, everything that I always had a hard time with. And just because it was easy for him, he kind of just expected that it would be for me too. Even though I’ve told him a million times that I’m not him. Everyone’s different. He didn’t get the fact that I wasn’t going to just forget about it later. It was bothering me. Probably more that it should have been, but still… it was.

I got up before the end of the hour and walked out the door while our teacher wasn’t looking. I just decided that I didn’t really want to be in there any longer.

When I got to the end of the hallway I went and sat between the two sets of doors leading outside so I could stare at the snow. It was something I liked to do often. Winter was always one of my favorite seasons. I loved how pretty and white new snow was, and I much preferred cold weather to warm. Matter of fact, I completely hated summer. It was always my least favorite of all the seasons. Winter though, I loved.

As I was sitting there I heard the door open and looked behind me to see Iliana. She was leaving to go to lunch early, and stopped when she noticed I didn’t look happy. Not only that, but I was kind of shaking, something I often do when I’m upset about something.

“You okay?” she asked, a look of deep concern on her face.

“Yeah…” I lied.

I almost started crying when I said that, and I’m pretty sure she noticed. Before she went out the door she stopped and gave me this look like, “I know you’re lying.” Then stopped and waited for me to say something else. So I told her the only thing I could think about at the time, because I couldn’t tell her what my real problem was.

“I’ve just been having a hard time with a lot of things lately.”

“Like what… school, home, life in general?” she asked.

“Life in general. I’m not really in the greatest of moods either.”

“Are you more… sad, upset, angry?”

“A combination of all three.”

“Well, you know if you ever need help with anything you can always talk to me. I’m a good listener… and I could try to give you advice and stuff.”

She half smiled which made me smile too.

“I will,” I said.

Now she smiled more.

“Bye!”

“Bye…”

I stood there watching her walk away for a minute wishing I could stop her, but also happy because I got the chance to talk to her. Then I ran back to the band room to get my stuff and go to lunch when the bell rang.

I was definitely going to talk to her… I had too, but I didn’t know what to say. As much as I wanted to tell her that I liked her and that it’s been hard for me because I know she’s never going to like me back, that just not something you tell someone you barely talk to. So instead, I’d have to think of something… just to get the chance to talk to her.