To You I Pledge (BBC Merlin)

Chapter 12 - Trials

"There is still time to leave," Arthur said, looking at the braces and collar on the table.

"I can't," Merlin replied, eyeing the objects with just as much trepidation, "and even if I could I wouldn't. I could never dishonour you like that."

The time had come; his fate could no longer be put off and he didn't know what was going to happen. Uther had not visited him since he had been moved to Arthur's rooms and he could not guess what the king was planning. At times when they had spoken he had thought maybe he had seen reason in Uther, but when it came to magic, Uther was not known as a reasonable man. There was too much history, too much pain there and Merlin did not know if he would survive the day.

"Your father has gone to great lengths if he is just going to chop off my head anyway," he pointed out, trying to look on the bright side.

Arthur's eyes did not waver from where they were staring at the bindings. Arthur had fetched them himself only a little while before and they had been sitting on Arthur's table every since.

"He promised me you would have a fair hearing," Arthur replied, not sounding all that hopeful; "he would not go back on that, but I would rather you were away from here, safe. My father has funny ideas of what is fair when it comes to sorcery."

That much was true; Merlin had seen the results, but he could not run. They had avoided the subject of Uther and what Uther intended for Merlin while Merlin recovered, all but pretending they were just friends, but now Merlin had his strength back and the reprieve was over.

"Let's get on with it," he decided, since the conversation was getting them nowhere, "it would not do to be late today."

Arthur looked at him then, clearly not wanting this to go on, but they both knew there was no other way.

When it came down to it there were very few things Merlin feared. His magic had always protected him and it had never let him down, but the bindings were something that took that away. They left him defenceless and virtually helpless and even though he had been unconscious when they were last used, his body remembered them and his magic remembered them. He could not help the tremble that ran through him as Arthur picked up the collar.

Merlin had shown himself to be such a powerful sorcerer that there could be no hearing with him unfettered. The court would not believe it any other way and so the bindings were necessary. Gaius had offered to help him with this, but he had known that there was only one person he could bear to allow to bind him in such a way and that was Arthur.

The bindings were so beautifully made; they looked like fine jewellery rather than the bonds they were and Merlin tried to focus on that as Arthur brought the collar towards him. Every instinct in his body bade him to shy away, to run, but he did not.

As Arthur fastened the collar around his neck he couldn't help the small groan that escaped his mouth as he felt himself cut off from, what was to him, life. He tried to stand tall, but his body felt suddenly heavy and his shoulder, that Gaius had told him was healing remarkably quickly, stabbed with pain, and he grabbed at it instinctively.

"I can't do this," Arthur said, reaching out to steady him.

"You must," he replied, looking into his friend's eyes and not trying to hide his fear, but showing his resolution as well; "you are the only one who can."

It was awful, the worst moment of his life that he could remember as first one brace and then the second was slipped into place. It was like the world around him died in his senses and it was the most terrible thing. Nothing could have prepared him for it and the wave of weakness that ran through him caused him to sway in place. Only Arthur held him and stopped him falling as he tried to adjust to the worst feeling he had ever known.