Anonymously

Chapter 5: I Got New Rules!

                Toxic Relationships, they are a cycle and you need to break up with it. I wanna advice you to save yourself from a toxic relationship. They are not worth the trouble and heartbreak. Everything starts of beautiful. You'll never see it coming. They'll try to make excuses for their behavior, but it's honestly not worth it and they are never going to change. Don't fall for their tricks and their abusive behavior. It can get really ugly. They can start off by slowly telling you what to wear and making their way in so subtly that you won't even notice when they start controlling your life. Sometimes it can get to the point of abusing physically the other person. 

                You don't deserve this kind of treatment. It doesn't matter who it comes from. You deserve someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. That is with kindness, love and most importantly with respect. 

                This type of people can be identified by the following:

                                                                 They are:

                  -Manipulative.         -Judgmental.             -Take no responsibility for their own actions.

                  -They don't apologize.            -They are inconsistent.       -They make you defend yourself.            

                 -They make you prove yourself to them.     -They are not caring, supportive or interested       in anything that you do.

                                     This according to www.phsycologytoday.com

Don't ever let someone treat you that way NEVER EVER. You can fall into the victim cycle of abuse which consists of 4 stages:

-The tension-building stage:

The stress and strain being to build and this occurs just before the abuse starts to happen.

-Incident of abuse stage:

This is when the act of abuse takes place

-Reconciliation stage:

Better known as the honeymoon phase. They apologize for their behavior. They shower you with gifts, love, etc.

-Calm stage

It's an extension of the honeymoon phase and the abuser starts showering the victim with kindness and love leading the victim into thinking the abuser changed. It all falls back into the tension-building stage.

                If you notice this type of stuff in a relationship don't ignore the signs. Get help immediately. Break the cycle. You can't ever change their behavior, but you can change your response to it. 

~~~~~~*~~~~~~*~~~~~~Now I can get on with my story~~~~~~*~~~~~~*~~~~~~*

                I was vulnerable and easy to fall for his tricks. I mean I was looking for a fatherly figure or just someone in general to talk to. That's when I met him at my most vulnerable state. When I thought love for me was over. Everything started off amazing. Who could've thought it was going to turn out so badly. I mean being in love is suppose to be an amazing experience. I always had the fantasy of getting married, growing old together and eventually die. We don't always get what we wish for. 

                It's really hard to think about everything that happened during those 10 months. All the pain, suffering and all not only because of but because of myself. Now I realized that I allowed it to happen. I allowed him to mistreat me, underestimate me just because I thought he was going to change. So I allowed him to do all of that. I couldn't wear tight nor short dresses, I had to block some of my friends just because he didn't like them, I couldn't go out out of nowhere I had to plan everything within a week and he still would've complain about it. I had to send him a picture of what I wore every single day, I had to tell him where I was all the time, there was a fight once a month that was worst than the rest and I got used to that, I had to send him nudes whenever he ask for them because that was my role as a girlfriend otherwise I was going to lose him. In other words I just couldn't be myself. After all I realized that in order for me to be in a relationship my partner has to accept me just the way I am. I could never bring myself to go through that again.

                I thought he was my everything in reality he wasn't. I thought I was in love but I wasn't. He made his way in so deep and slowly that I didn't notice. He started telling me what I could and couldn't wear and I submitted to what he wanted me to do. He saw that and he knew tin that moment that he could do whatever he wanted. He then tried and succeeded in telling me who should and shouldn't hang out with. I stoped talking to my friends and even lost some friendships. He wasn't there for me when I needed him the most. I did all the stuff I didn't want to just to keep him satisfied. Why did I do them? Because I didn't want to start any type of argument with him. In reality I just thought at some point he was going to change his behavior. He started to yell at me like if he was my dad. It was honestly the worst time of my life. I remember once I went to the movie theater with my friends and he started to complain and he started arguing with me because I went out. I remember I was so pissed off because I never really argued with him when he did instead I used to tell him to have a good time with them and never really talk to him until he got home. So when he did that I got so mad that I lost focused on what really mattered at the time, which was my friends. When I realized that my friends were all that mattered at the time I told him that I would talk to him when I got home because I didn't want to ruin my day out. In the end it was a waste of time I mean my mood had already been ruined.  

                When I decided to break up with him everybody thought I was the bad guy of the story. His friends started texting me and even one of my "friends" turned their back on me because I realized that what he was doing was wrong. I realized that being in a relationship doesn't give the other person the right to dictate your life, and that's exactly what he was doing. I didn't see it at first because I was blind, but now I do. There're so many men and women going through this right now. I need you to understand something. If your partner doesn't respect you who you are in a relationship don't even think they will while in a marriage. When this happens to you you'll never realized it until it's too late.

                Don't ever let another human being mistreat you, underestimate you. Make people treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I wouldn't like to see another person going though this. This kind of stuff affects you in unimaginable ways. This affects your self-esteem, your personality and the way you develop. They say you don't know what you have until it's over but to be honest you do know what you have you just think you're never going to lose it. I  remember the time where my best friend's dad died, it was really hard on me I mean I saw him as my own dad since mine abandoned me. He wasn't there for me all he told me was to move on because he was in a better place, besides I was putting too much pressure on my shoulders.

                When I broke up with him, he did everything in his power to make me go back out with him. His friends texted me, he started to text my friends and that's what made me mad. He used to talk so much crap about my friends and my best friends and there he was texting them so they could talk to me just so I could "reconsider" my decision. I'm not a 6 year old that doesn't know what they're doing. I am a young adult that is mature enough to make decisions for myself and for the better. He even got a number with an app just to text me. He made himself be a girl texting me just so I could make him fall for her. He thought for some sick reason he was making me jealous by doing this. I was getting mad because I was aggravated with all of this, his friends would text me non stop, and now this. That's when I did it, I texted him all I wanted to say to him knowing it was him. When he read the message I remember I was in math class and he called me, because I told him that whenever a person goes through the hell I went through then and only then they would understand me; otherwise he and his friends could go to hell.

                All of this ruined my vision on what I thought was a relationship. I lost some of my self-steem, and I was pretty lucky to just feel that way. There are so many other consequences such as anxiety, depression, cutting and even eating disorder. How I got over all of that you as? I have great more like amazing friends by my side, people who always made me laugh and reminded me of who I really was before all that happened. Also Netflix and just reading books on wattpad. It was the only way I could escape my reality. Besides all of this my mother was pretty awesome as well, when it came to cheer me up. My mom is just amazing, to be honest I could never complain about my mother. I love her to death.

                If you ever find yourself in this type of relationship, please I beg you break the cycle. Don't let someone dictate your life, it's your life and only you decide how to live it. No one has rights nor control over you. Love yourself because at the end of the day that's the only thing that we have. And last but more important just BE YOURSELF, if someone doesn't like who you are they can go straight to hell. Accept yourself, you are beautiful, kind, strong and simply amazing. And just remember that I love you!