Sideways

Chapter 35

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

There's only two chapters left after this

"This is so depressing," Blaine said, staring out over the familiar field, the light of the moon slipping through the tall trees and highlighting some sections, but Kurt and Blaine were standing in the shade, just staring into nothingness. They had been standing there in silence for ten minutes, before Blaine had declared it depressing.

"I can't say I disagree," Kurt said, as Blaine dropped to sit down in the grass. Kurt sat down next to him, carefully, cringing a bit at the dirt he was about to sit in, but he sat anyway because tomorrow, he was leaving and he wasn't going to let his fear of getting a little dirty ruin their final night together.

Blaine sighed and inched closer, then leaned in and laid his head on Kurt's shoulder. "Can we just stay here like this forever?"

Kurt chuckled. "What would we do if it rained? And what about skincare?"

Blaine smiled and nudged Kurt playfully. "Seriously, though," Blaine said, still smiling. "Couldn't I like, buy a shed and set it down here and just live here for the rest of forever?"

"The rest of forever seems like an awfully long time," Kurt told him.

"Unfortunately," Blaine sighed again.

"There's still that idea we talked about last night," Kurt pointed out.

Blaine caught his bottom lip between his teeth and said nothing. What they had discussed the previous night was Blaine coming to New York with Kurt, but Blaine didn't see how that was going to work out. He guessed he could have gone, but that would mean going out there straight away, because if he waited a long time before joining Kurt, chances were Kurt would already be caught up in the wonder and awe of the big city. Maybe he would even find someone else, someone more interesting, more attractive and with more talent than Blaine. If he was going to go to New York, he would have to leave with Kurt, tomorrow, but he couldn't do that.

"Why not?" Kurt had asked and Blaine hadn't been able to give him a straight answer. He didn't know what it was that was keeping him there, or maybe he did, he just had trouble admitting it. As much as he disliked his parents and the situation they had put him in, he felt like he couldn't just leave them without trying again. Maybe he could talk to his mom, help her understand.

But he couldn't bring himself to do that yet. However, he couldn't leave until he knew he had tried and by the time he did that, Kurt would be settled in and probably wouldn't even want him there any more. Besides, New York seemed very surreal to him. He couldn't imagine himself out there, amongst the glamour and the big city lights. He needed to get his head around everything before he could make any drastic decisions, which was why he had to decline Kurt's proposal that he go with him.

"I guess I can't expect you to come all the way out there for me," Kurt said, obviously sensing Blaine's discomfort.

"It's not that," Blaine said, quickly. "If you asked me to go out there with you, I'd go, no questions asked." It was true, if Kurt really wanted him there, he would go. Maybe he wouldn't be entirely comfortable with it, but if that was what Kurt wanted, he would do it.

It occurred to Blaine then that maybe he needed that, too, for Kurt to ask him to go with him, to beg him to go, to tell him that he couldn't possibly go anywhere without him and that he absolutely had to have him with him forever. Which was unfair, because Blaine knew Kurt loved him and Kurt couldn't know what Blaine wanted unless he told him. Blaine didn't even really know what he wanted himself. He wanted Kurt to stay with him, but he would never let him, because this was Kurt's dream and he wanted Kurt to go out and live it. He wanted to be with Kurt, but he couldn't see a way to make that happen that didn't make him feel as if he would be making the wrong decision, for whatever reason.