a really cliche piece of shit

4

Jack's POV

Schhhhh.

I drag my feet across the sidewalk as Ava and I walk back to my apartment. Recently, I forced my parents to let me move out. After all, it is senior year. I already know what college I'm going to, and my apartment is a short ten minutes away from it.

The silence on the way there is not awkward, but peaceful. I look down at Ava's hands. Her fingers are long and thin, and her hands aren't tiny like most girls. Fighting the urge to intertwine her fingers with mine, I shove my hands into my pockets.

We continue to walk silently, until Ava speaks up.

"Jack?" She seems nervous. "Are you okay? You've been acting weird lately."

I bite my bottom lip.

She waves her hands as if to say no. "No no no, I didn't mean it that way. I just mean you're acting different. As in- ugh, I don't know. But it's not bad." She looks up at me and smiles a genuine smile.

I know what she's talking about. Being attached to her recently is more obvious than I thought. I look at her, standing in her black leggings that bunch at her ankles, even though she's not short, and her gray oversized sweater and converse. Debating whether or not to tell Ava how I've been feeling lately, I realize how tall she is. She reaches my bottom lip, whereas most girls only reach between my shoulder and chin. I find this trait of her's very attractive. I like that she's different than other girls.

I decide on telling her how I feel about her.

"Ava..." but the right words won't come out. So something different does. "I just... Can't I just try and become closer friends with you without you questioning it?" I end up saying, afraid she doesn't feel the same way. It comes out meaner than it's meant to, just because my mind is swirling with so many thoughts.

She stops, and turns to face me. I do the same, seeing sadness in her eyes. I don't know if it's because of the way I said that, or because of what it meant. Does she feel something for me too?

"Oh," Ava says, looking down at the pavement. "Oh," she repeats.

"Ava-" I reach out for her, but she has already turned and started walking away.

She turns around. "Oh, sorry Jack. I just... I just realized I have to study for a history exam tomorrow," she tries a smile, but her eyes are watering.

"Oh... Okay. Well, I'll see you soon then?" I ask, but she's already too far to hear me.

Shit. I should've just told her how I feel. But how was I supposed to know she felt the same way about me as I do for her?

I walk to my doorstep, and sit there, head in my hands, wondering how this could've gone so wrong.

Ava's POV

My heartbeat slows as I close the door behind me. I brush my hair out of my face, leaning against the door and dropping to the floor. Jack's hurtful words bounce around inside my head continuously, like my brain is screaming his voice and returning it as an echo.

I've never heard Jack say anything like that to me before. I've never heard him speak like that to anyone.

Dropping my head between my knees, I feel worthlessness. Why do I feel like this? Why do I care about him so much?

Soon the chilliness of the fall catches up with me and I find myself moping upstairs. I have just enough motivation to make myself a fresh hot chocolate first.

My fingers untie my shoes at the top of the stairs, in habit. When my toes touch the hard wood floor, the cold attacks my feelings, a quiet sob escaping me.

Hibernating in my bedroom with hot chocolate and reading a John Green book, a short time passes without my acknowledgement. I cry at death and tragedy, and send Molly a quick text to come home. But then, I hear a familiar voice call me from down stairs.