Wings For The Jailbird

31. I Would Have

I would have never thought that I'd be in this position again. Or at least not for the next decade.

But a small smile overcame my features as I felt the familiar texture between my fingers. I gently stroked Killian's head as it found its way onto my chest again. I felt his fingers lazily run up and down my stomach as we just laid in my bed in the middle of the day. But we were as exhausted and tired as if it was way past our bedtime.

After all, we had just worn our bodies out until we literally collapsed on my bed. I let out a small chuckle when I recalled his weak attempt at leaning up for another round. But he laid back down a second later, knowing we would not be able to finish for the sixth time in three hours. 

That was why we were now silently and still very much naked laying in my room. I looked up at the ceiling as Killian's eyes were drawn on his hand as it gently moved up and down my belly. His lashes once again prevented me from having a good view of his green orbs. But it didn't matter, since my mind had pulled me out of this dream-like scenario and forced me to remember how confusing it actually was.

Killian Diesel was out of jail and has been for quite some time now. My hands stopped stroking his hair and his head immediately lifted from my chest. He looked at me with a frown and I sighed.

"I'm confused." I stated, not feeling the need to sugarcoat anything. Killian scooted up to hover above me as his eyes searched mine.
"About what?" He asked, making me scoff.
"Everything." I told him and saw his eyebrows form a frown.

"I'm sorry." He said, which wasn't enough.
"Ask me anything and I'll answer. Just don't be upset." He said, the cold tip of his nose brushing my ear as he kissed the crook of my neck. I sighed and placed my hand on his cheek, making him gaze down at me.

"I don't even know what to ask, Killian." I admitted and he nodded, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth.
"I know this is a lot to take in. But I really am sorry for how things went. Heck, I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you. All the pain and the humiliation at school. All the wasted time when I lived here. All of that." He started, placing his forehead on mine. I closed my eyes.

"I've changed and I want to make it right with you. I want to show you that I am worthy of your time now." He said, which made me open my eyes.
"What made you think I felt like wasting my time with you half a year ago?" I asked.
"Because I was stalling. I was trying to be as distant and as rude as possible, so you'd see that I was no good. And I have wasted all that time- yours and mine- instead of growing up and believing you. I'm sorry I never believed you." He said, his eyes mesmerizing me again.

"It's okay." I said, still hurt that it wasn't me that could get to him.
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have always let out my anger on others. I shouldn't have even demanded from you to help me. It was selfish and I could only imagine how pressured you must've felt." He continued. I shook my head, but he nodded.

"Yes, baby. I pressured you into thinking that you need to help me-"
"Killian!" I said, wanting to get one thing straight.
"I did not feel pressured or forced to help you. I saw something in you. And I still see it. You want to lead a good life and I am so happy that you have achieved that. You physically look better and your attitude is-" I was searching for the best word to describe him.

"Charming?" He asked with a serious face and I giggled, making him blush.
"Yes, charming." I nodded and kissed his nose. Killian smiled goofily as he gazed into my eyes. I sighed once more, wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him closer.

"I missed you a lot and I just couldn't wrap my head around this situation. I couldn't believe it when I saw you yesterday and I just didn't know how to handle it." I admitted, making Killian close his eyes. He pecked my lips slowly and soundly.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered.