Surviving Cancer

Homecoming

I went home not long after Cat passed. Walking back into the 'special hospital' was odd. I hadn't realized how big of an impact Cat had on everyone, I thought she only had Tylar and I really, but she actually had the whole hospital as friends. She just spent all of her time with us mainly. Out of everyone here, she chose Tylar and I.  In those last several minutes of her life, she didn't think about just us two, she thought about everyone here, everything she was leaving behind. And for some reason, Tylar and I were included somewhere in those few minutes. All this time I thought we chose Cat, but it was really the other way around, she chose us. Everyone stared at me when I was wheeled back inside. I went to my room and watched the sunrise and the sunset.  Everything is in such slow motion. People walk slower, no one is smiling around here, no one looks up unless they have to, and everyone is just kind of sitting around. Kids died all the time around here, it was just different with Cat. She was an angel and a sister or daughter to everyone here, and I think that's how people took her death. Like the loss of a child or sibling, and they took it personally, like she chose to leave. This is the worst way to accept a death. Tylar has taken Cat's death quite hard. Everyday, he sits on the windowsill and stares outside. He cries in the mornings, and the afternoons, and in the night. He's been getting nightmares where he wakes up screaming and he started sleepwalking. Once he threw a flower vase at the wall. Everyone close to Cat has been ordered to take an extra therapy session, so almost everyone is taking one. I haven't cried since the day Cat died. I think it's because I'm still in denial almost. I mean, I wheel myself around all day observing everyone else when I forget to observe me. Denial also isn't a good way to handle death, but hey, it helps. There is some good news though, I get to start my campaign after all. Since Marie is moving, a new lady has taken over her position and she loved my idea. I get to take over the therapy sessions and I already started my new club. The first meeting is this Saturday. When Tylar isn't crying or throwing tantrums, he helps me make buttons. Cat was supposed to, but well..... yeah. That's when I miss her, when I find myself doing things she'd be around, so I'd stopped doing those things. To fill the void of no Cat, I tried making a few new friends, but it's not the same. No one is the same as Cat. I was really happy when I found out that I could do my campaign after all, but it just didn't feel right, to be happy at a time like this.  Today is Thursday, it's been four days since Cat's died. Her funeral is tomorrow morning. We just finished dinner when I walked back to the room and saw that Tylar wasn't crying. It's the first night he hasn't.

"Hey Ty" I say. He looks up to me with tears. I wonder how long he's been holding them back, his skin is dry. He looks up to let the tears fall back into him. I sit next to him on the windowsill. On the back of the door is a small black tuxe and dress.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" he asks.

"As ready as I'll ever be" I say.

"I'm not"

"It'll be okay"

"Will it Abele?"

"I sure hope so"

"I'm not ready to say goodbye to her". I wasn't sure what he meant by that, I mean I knew the literal meaning, but there was a deeper meaning too. The way his voice trailed off but his lips kept speaking,  the unspoken words were no doubt the most important part of the sentence. The unspoken is no doubt always the most important.

" So don't say goodbye"

"Then what do I say?"

"How about....see you later?". He grins and looks down, a small smile peaks out, but is quickly covered with self doubt and pity.

" You know....uhm...Cat was my uh....my first friend here too"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I came here when I was 11 and she was about 4 and I took care of her kind of"