Just a Blast from the Past

Chapter Seven

Natasha waited just like she said she would. She watched the three of them interact from a distance, although three was quite inaccurate. Peggy had only eyes for Steve although she probably didn't realize; Barnes was standing quietly, torn between amusement and what she supposed was the unusual disappointment of being ignored by a woman. Steve had only eyes for her too, he looked down at her with a mix of awe and glee whilst she spoke to him with the same constant confidence since her arrival. He did something Natasha didn't expect though. He glimpsed at her from time to time, a spark of worry to find she had gone; an expression of satisfaction as soon as he found her sitting at a table.

Eventually, the conversation ended. Agent Carter finally acknowledged Barnes to say goodbye with a brief nod then stepped away. Natasha got up her seat just when she walked past her.

'Miss Rushman,' she started with a polite smile. 'It's been a real delight to meet you.'

She smirked internally. 'The feeling is mutual, agent Carter.'

Who was a better liar? Nobody would ever know. They were both women, they were both agents; that made one too many skills they had in common. They sealed the promise of never having to meet again by exchanging a warm smile then parted.

Natasha walked up to Steve, and Carter didn't resist the urge any longer to turn her head and take a glimpse of the two of them over her shoulder, and thus just when she was about to pass the door and succeed in restraining herself from doing it.

Natasha, in spite of what it looked like, knew all about the conversation that had just happened. She played along nonetheless and asked the question for the sake of it.

'Everything alright?' she inquired innocently.

Barnes gave her a sympathetic look for the news that was about to be dropped to her.

'Nat,' Steve started with a happy and a bitter look. 'Peggy came to tell me they wanted me back on the field...for good.'

She stared at him with her big green eyes while he seemed to wait for a reaction.

'Steve, that's great!' she commented genuinely. 'You are about to become the person you've always wanted to be.'

The battles, the Howling Commando: Steve was on his way to become Captain America - and the first Avenger of the team.

'Yes,' he said happily then looked down, seeming to avert something he refused to face.

'What's wrong?' she asked. 'Why does it feel like you're not a 100% rejoicing?'

Barnes snorted. 'I don't think Steve is very eager to leave you, darling,' he commented behind his shoulder.

'Bucky!" Steve grunted and threw a dirty glare in his direction.

'Come on Barnes, don't be a tease,' Natasha told him off with a playful smile.

'He's right,' Steve retorted to her surprise as he turned his back to his friend to face her.

Barnes stared, totally baffled by his friend's sudden burst of frankness. 'Aaaand,' he exclaimed keeping the high note for a couple of seconds. 'I'm gonna give you some privacy,' he said as he pointed to a random direction he would vanish towards.

Steve rolled his eyes. Natasha remained mute.

'Natalie,' he started, diving his piercing blue eyes into hers without any reserve. It became even harder for her to find words to say. Never had Steve looked at her with such intensity; neither those past few weeks nor ever. 'Nothing makes me happier than fighting for freedom with my companions but it also means not coming back for weeks. Last month I wouldn't have cared at all but now it's different,' he paused and smiled warmly. 'I'm leaving my friend behind.'

She gawped. Literally. She saw him for the first time from a different light. She had never known him to have this eloquence and unconditional frankness with people he cared about. Steve was a man of great words when it came to strengthen the team and civilians, but with people and emotions, he would build up this unbreakable rampart. She could see it; she could recognize it anywhere, actually. It was the same rampart she had. Same bricks, same defenses. She understood how losing Barnes then agent Carter had made him more wary to protect himself from being hurt to lose someone again.

'Oh Steve,' she murmured gently. She wanted to stroke the side of his face and reassure him; she wanted to promise him that he wouldn't have to go through fighting his long-lost best friend. She wanted to tell him she would miss him just as much while he would be away, or certainly even more. She had known him for a lot longer than he had, technically.

She wanted to tell him all those things and show him all her affection but she couldn't do any of it. Not for the sake of her mission. Not for the sake of his fate. She couldn't change one bit of his becoming Captain America. Nothing had to hold him back in New York; and certainly not her.

And so she put on the cloak of her playful persona. 'Or I can engage in the army and fight by your side,' she teased.

He laughed. 'I know you would –'

'...kick a lot of ass?' she finished with a smirk.

He smiled. 'I was about to say do very well, but your phrasing is way more visual.'

She liked the fact his growing up in the forties didn't make him diminish her abilities as a woman. Plus, he couldn't forget he had seen her in action with the thief. She still wished he could fully appreciate the reality of her superficially humorous remark. Alas, she could never let him find out this side of her.

Steve stared for a bit too long. It wasn't enough, he craved for a better closure; one that would put his mind at rest. She had to deflect it and remind him of the reality that awaited him.

'And don't forget you'll be with your best friend and with Peggy,' she said.

He furrowed his brows. Natasha's smile didn't come out as broad as she intended to.

'It's her, isn't it?' she asked.

Those were a few words but they made a whole lot of sense to the two of them.

'What makes you say that?' he asked, slightly shifting position.

'Please. Anyone in this room could see it. Shall I go ask the barman to convince you for good?' she teased with a smirk.

Steve smiled lightly then broke eye contact for a couple of seconds.

'Yes, it's her,' he replied softly. He sighed and his shoulder twitched for a brief shrug. He seemed to have a hard time understanding his own thoughts. 'But things are not as clear as they used to be. Time has passed and I don't know if everything has remained the same.'

She arched an eyebrow. 'What do you mean?' she asked. She was confused, scared even. The reports she had read before coming didn't have any information regarding Steve's thoughts and doubts, therefore she couldn't tell whether his current state of mind was a logical step on his journey or not.

She interrogated him with her gaze. This was when Barnes stepped in with a bigger question mark on his face than hers.

'Did I come back too soon?' he asked, forty percent concerned, sixty percent amused.

Steve, who was still looking at her, eventually detached his gaze from her. She dared him not to do it, but it appeared Steve from 1942 was just as daring and stubborn than the one from her time.

'No. We're good,' he spoke softly then turned to his friend.

The rest of the evening went smoothly. And two days later, Steve and Barnes were leaving for Europe.