Walking with Christ

Forgiving the 'Unforgivable'

A few days ago, I found out my deceased older cousin forced my little brother to watch porn when he was only a toddler(age 3-5). My cousin influenced my little brother into thinking that the actions they displayed in pornagraphy were considered "good".

Now, my little brother is in his teens and he's highly addicted to porn. We never understood why until a few years after the death of my older cousin then my little brother finally told us the truth.

Finding out about the reason behind his porn addiction broke me.

It broke me in a way that I never felt before. I was heartbroken, angry, and horrified.

The thoughts of my older cousin poisoning my younger brother's innocence fueled me with hatred. A hatred so deep, it caused something in me to snap, propelling me to say something I thought I would never say.

I hope he rots in hell. He doesn't deserve Heaven or the blood of Christ.

After those words came out of my mouth, I instantaneously knew I couldn't take it back. A sense of guilt swept over me when I realized what I've said.

Who am I to judge? Am I God?

The answer to that is No.

This isn't my place to judge who deserved and doesn't deserve the forgiveness of God.

Afterall, I'm the same as my cousin. We're BOTH sinners. Just because our sins are different, doesn't make us any different from each other.

After calming down and realizing this, it reminded me of the scriptures I read in the Holy Bible that says:

"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."

Proverbs 21:23

“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Ephesians 4:26-26

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."

Ephesians 4:29-31

So, imagine how foolish I felt after the anger passed. I let my emotions affect me in such a way that I actually had the audacity to wish hell upon someone! Me?! I said that! Can you believe that?! I even surprised myself!

This is when I realized the purpose of the words in the Bible. It's there for a specific reason; to guide, teach, warn, and comfort you.

I later repented and hoped that God will forgive me and help me forgive the the people I can't forgive. In this case, my cousin who passed away.

You're probably thinking why I'm telling you this. 

It's because I want you to know that the words of God has a purpose and also I'm not perfect. I screw up just like a regular human being does.

The only person we should always look up to is Jesus Christ. Of course, it's okay to be wowed by strong Christian individuals but don't particularly put them on a pedestal because they will, for sure, fail you.

But, guess what?

Jesus doesn't. He will never fail you nor God.

That's why Jesus Christ is the most perfect person to look up to. To be set up high as an example we should all strive to be like.

A/n: True Story. I recently experienced this a few weeks ago. Like I said, I'm also growing along with you guys. So, we're buddies okay! Eternal buddies 💕